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Open Poetry #30
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Fairytale luv
| Open Poetry #30 |
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Fairytale luv |
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DarkAngel73554 Junior Member
since 2003-12-10
Posts 10somewhere in tha middle of nowhere |
everythingz tight we talk err night and ur wordz grip me tight i never knew luv could feel so right sometimes i still have my dark nightz but ur alwayz there to set me right losin u iz the theme of my nightmarez at night i know makin love ta u one night will be just right i still like ta kick it wit da homiez but now i actually like ta be home sometimes but cell phonez make it a universal thing i even assigned u a special ring i hate you becuz u have turned me into such a cheez but i luv you becuz i owe you everything but im still tryin ta stack diz cheese im havin street dreamz of cheez and shiny twentyz but together we can achevie such thingz itz like some kinna dream mayb a fairytale jus not with kingz and queenz well mayb you could look at it that way cuz we run thingz |
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| © Copyright 2003 Tichina - All Rights Reserved | |||
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KoKo Senior Member
since 2003-02-15
Posts 995Inside the shadow's shadow |
Welcome to passions. Hope you find your nitch here. |
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garysgirl  
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
This is an interesting first post. We are glad that you decided to join us. We look forward to your sharing your work with us. We're all very supportive here, reading and responding to others. Please check your e-mail for a special greeting from all of us here at Passions In Poetry. Thanks, Ethel/garysgirl Moderator/Passions In Poetry |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
   (smiles) Your wonderful voice and charisma shines in this wonderful debut, sweet friend, I love it, we love and value all kinds of voices and we can't waitn to behold more of your poetic fairytales, God Bless You! Welcome to Passions, sweet friend, may you be inspired by all of us here as we will all be inspired by your lovely words! I can't wait to read more of your wonderful words, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!   May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "You'll find something that's enough to keep you |
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WannabePoet Member
since 2003-12-10
Posts 62New York USA |
Interesting! Welcome to Passions, I am also new here, but you will find that the people are absolutely the cooooolest!!  |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
I feel that the grammar and spelling that you chose to use in this piece distract from the message. Perhaps if you illiminated that distracting element, you might find that you have one heck of a poem. Welcome to passions. |
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DarkAngel73554 Junior Member
since 2003-12-10
Posts 10somewhere in tha middle of nowhere |
~!hmm thankz fa tha comment but all tha same i jus write how it iz and tha slang and grammer i used in tha poem iz actually how i talk and do everything else so itz how i write if u don't like it how it iz theres no way you could like it if i changed it~! |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
I understand that everyone has their own entitlement to artistic creativity, but I honestly think that you should consider making an attempt at writing something that contains proper spelling and grammar. You could be very talented and have a very soulful poem. As Kelsey, who is sitting beside me put it, "the style in which you portray this poem makes you (the artist) seem childish". Perhaps you could display an awesome show of human emotion if you wrote properly. this, however, is just my opinion. |
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Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669Michigan, US |
I think Kelsey should probably be more careful of making what some might call a personal attack. We judge a poem by its words, because that's all we need. But, one might think Kelsey would wish to be judged by more than the few bitter words she offers here? If so, she should consider extending others the same courtesy. |
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LadyTy New Member
since 2003-12-17
Posts 3 |
I think the choice of writing gave the poem a lot of character. I rather liked it. |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
As Kelsey is only my computer lab partner, and I am not in my computer class currently, I cannot offer a comment from her. She constantly reads over my shoulder, offering comments and telling me stories about different characters often featured in the poetry (LP's poem The Dead is an example). However, I can offer this- I have nothing against this piece, I just found it terribly difficult to get through. I had to read the first few lines, then take a break, come back, read a little more, and then took another break. Had, however, the language of this poem been easier to understand, perhaps I wouldn't have had to read it in segments. I have also communicated with several other peole and they agreed that they too had to read this in pieces because of the authors chosen writing style. I believe everyone is entitled to be creative, but this just takes away from the overall message of the poem. One must also think that if this is the voice of the next generation (one that I am most undoubtably a part of) it is a shame to think that we are progressing towards this use of language. Language is beautiful, the language of past generations has been present for a very long while and has suited us just fine, I see no reason why one could not make the same points using language properly as they might using this language. If our generation, my generation is progressing towards a literary world in which this style is prominent, it is a world that I would not wish to be a part of. [This message has been edited by Allysa (12-18-2003 02:31 PM).] |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Thought it was an interesting poem -- maybe even in a genre of its own -- rap. To me poetry is an art form; a media for expression which can take just about any shape. This is the current language of the next generation. |
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