Standard Transmission (repost from Open 1)

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Alicat
Member Elite

since 1999-05-23

Posts 4094
Coastal Texas

0 posted 2003-12-07 08:04 PM

Sixty-three eyes stare.

Bobby Turner has a big white patch
over one where a baseball hit him
yesterday that everyone wants to
look under, even Bobby.

I feel my cheeks burn.
Everywhere I look I see eyes.

Except when I look at Bobby,
then I see one eye and a big white patch.
Maybe he has a patch on to keep his
eyeball from rolling out of his head
onto the floor.
Ick.

The floor is dusty and tiled and hard.
My heels hurt and my palms are wet.
Mrs. Bixby clears her throat.

It sounds like my Mom
trying to drive Dad's car.
He calls it a standard.
Mom calls it other things.

I just said one of those things
when I walked in six minutes late
to Mrs. Bixby's home room
after I looked down and discovered
that I had no clothes on.
So now sixty three eyes
(and a big white patch)
stare at me in amazement.

I think that something besides a ball hit Bobby.
He gets angry and blushes when the other
kids ask him.
I don't think I will.

My Mom is gonna be mad
because she has to drive up here in
Dad's car to pick me up.
I swear I had clothes on when she dropped
me off this morning.
I'm almost positive.
I think I just said another word.

Alicat

Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant

since 2000-03-16

Posts 5842
Lansing, MI USA

1 posted 2003-12-07 09:44 PM

Thanks for sharing this one again, Ali. Made me smile tonight.

"When your life is tossed and turning
And you are on the raging sea I'll come and pull you from the water Then you will know that you are free" - MWS

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

2 posted 2003-12-07 10:39 PM

Alicat, I am so glad that you brought this one back.
I would have hated to have missed this. It's
wonderful writing. Kept me rushing to read on to see
what was going to happen next. I sure would like
to see more of your work.
Hugs

Ethel

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

3 posted 2003-12-08 02:34 AM

wow! makes me want to go digging around in the archives!

A Romantic Heart
Member Ascendant

since 1999-09-03

Posts 5496
Forever In Your Heart

4 posted 2003-12-08 05:21 AM

Hello Ali..long time-no-see! LOL! glad to have you back posting!

Stick around~

~ARH

True poets don't write with the ink of quill or pen, but with the ink of their heart~

Christopher

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-02

Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration

5 posted 2003-12-08 02:46 PM

don't think i ever saw this one... i LIKE it.

quote:
t sounds like my Mom
trying to drive Dad's car.
He calls it a standard.
Mom calls it other things.

was the best part, though the rest flows smoothly (excepting the "ick" line, which just didn't seem to fit, in that it seemed too pointed... too solid, if i'm expressing myself clearly enough).

cool.

Alicat
Member Elite

since 1999-05-23

Posts 4094
Coastal Texas

6 posted 2003-12-08 03:27 PM

LW: Glad you liked.

garysgirl: Thanky. Quite a leap from Open 1 to 30...my this place has grown!

PS: Lots of good writing in the archives, and sometimes, forums are archived while still young....they just get full fast. Smart Search can be a good friend.

RH: *warm smile* Thanky. Been a while since I've written anything, though I did have a small creative burst this week, the fruits of which are in other forums. (Shameless Plug)

Chris: Thanks dude. Yeah, the 'ick' is rather hard and abrupt, but speaks of the young vocabulary, as well as morbid curiosity. Granted, the vocabulary was my own, since other descriptors were unknown at that age. Kids may think something is gross, but still yearn to touch or see, or at worst, poke with a stick.

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