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Open Poetry #30
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Commander Everyon - A Hero
| Open Poetry #30 |
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Commander Everyon - A Hero |
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maximillian Junior Member
since 2003-09-13
Posts 23 |
I look toward the reflection but I can't see myself, Only the outlines of two eyes with banished darkness, seeping, Like a character in a Dickens novel; I have a fitting name; deepening, But reading the lines on my wrinkled face isn't so fetching, there is no matching key A thousand lines on my face, if only it told my story, my fame, Something sharp is in the shallow sink; is it an object or is it me? A desperate hand reaches for a pool of life, it hits with a whack, A life that rippled by a hand that had seen more life than I, My hand points at the mirror - it points back lacking glee, I finally realize I should have done more of that to I, myself, and me. Tell the world I had removed the sharpness, now that I am blunt, I’ve lost my sense of ignominy. How beautiful the sun is, if only it wasn't so bright, my blood might have a chance to shine, Tell the world I am ready for life, I have lost my sharpness, my reflection, my endless gyre. I want my chance please. Here I am now. Here I am, finally. The sun is getting darker...they say all is fine. |
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| © Copyright 2003 maximillian - All Rights Reserved | |||
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eringobraugh Junior Member
since 2003-12-06
Posts 16Michigan |
This is a dark, but very deep read. Your use of language is unique and interesting. I know little of form, but I do understand, and feel, substance. This piece has substance. Nice work. |
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WhiteRose Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208somebody's dungeon |
A very powerful write. The language is perfect for the peice. A work worth of reading more than once. Meanings that escape upon first glance then sweep the readers mind. Nicely done. Great work. [This message has been edited by WhiteRose (12-10-2003 08:19 AM).] |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
what a terrific write, and valuable vision for all of us to look towards again and again...outstanding! |
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