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Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

0 posted 2003-12-03 10:30 AM

This stream runs boldly,
Down the steep mountain side from snows
This stream runs coldly
Warming little it swiftly flows,
Beside the waters soft chatter
A moment when I feel gladder
Resting now from the long walking
To hear only nature’s talking,
The gentle breeze in tall pine trees
The stream where I pause to dream
A lone bird hidden yet clearly heard
Then a sigh
As I stand to walk away
With many more miles to go today.

Gloom

Astro
Member

since 2003-01-08

Posts 69
Ca.

1 posted 2003-12-03 12:02 PM

I like this poem a lot; the use of natural elements to convey a wider meaning has great appeal to me. I love your use of subtle adjectives to hint at the sadness within ("warming little", "long walking", and "lone bird"). This poem is a great study in subtlety.

I do have two questions, though. Did you intend to alter the word "gladder" to fit the rhyme? I only ask because it's grammatically incorrect. The proper usage would be "more glad". My second question is: are you paying homage to Robert Frost with this poem? I ask because this runs frighteningly close to plagarism. Check out "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening" here: http://www.ketzle.com/frost/snowyeve.htm to see what I mean. If Frost was an inspiration, you might want to give him credit. If not, then wow! what a coincidence!

Sight is an always awful beginning

Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

2 posted 2003-12-03 01:03 PM

Thank you, Astro
For taking the time to read and comment.
The gladder would be a grammatical adjustment for the poem.
But for the reference to Robert Frost, I am honored.
He is one of my favorite English Language Poets and any association is high praise,
But,
This poem would be more inspired from Li Po or perhaps Wang Wei of the T’ang Chinese Era. Where Frost contemplated choice,
there is none here,
the walk would always be taken back up
after the momentary reflection.

Gloom

Sadelite
Member Elite

since 2003-10-11

Posts 2519

3 posted 2003-12-03 09:27 PM

Professor,
    You do have a way of involving the senses!   Of my favorite was "a lone bird hidden but clearly heard".  In the spring here, the birds open the curtain with their song, flitting everywhere.  Nearing winter, that sole bird finds cover, but still manages a chirp now and then.  It seems you can never figure out where that singer is hiding!
    Incidently, I believe you used every sense but taste, but I'll give you that one, as your poem is in good taste.
                             Sadelite

[This message has been edited by Sadelite (12-03-2003 09:28 PM).]

Zinsser
Senior Member

since 2001-02-27

Posts 1641
Calif.

4 posted 2003-12-29 09:22 PM

beautiful....
I too enjoyed as did those above..

: )

Nightshade