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1slick_lady
Member Ascendant

since 2000-12-22

Posts 6088
standing on a shadow's lace

0 posted 2003-12-02 02:21 PM

Naked Thoughts

I hear the beats of his heart
across the distance
where he drinks alone most nights
sleeping in the echoed dark
and loneliness of my own nights
where I once had stood in
the smooth caress of his eyes
in only my naked thoughts
      I kept the words to myself
      I thought he knew
            that I am at home in his breath
but misunderstandings
seem to tangle us in
insulated thick solid lines
and black boxes collected
numbered and categorized
to be given away later
in the volley of I hurt
…so I hurt you
      I can not say them now
for I am standing alone
on that sandy shore in my mind
that you introduced me to
where the waves sparkle night
water diamonds floating
clinging to your name
tonight this ocean is a little deeper
as I add my own drops of salt
while the moon silently listens
to another broken heart screaming
their secrets in naked thoughts
to the wind
as I watch the one
that holds my breath
goes

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

1 posted 2003-12-02 02:43 PM

this woman... aches with beauty and sadness... and left me feeling that ache as well...

well done Helen.. well done

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

2 posted 2003-12-02 02:54 PM

OneSlick~
The delicacy of your thoughts permeate write~
Beautifully so~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram
[email protected]

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

3 posted 2003-12-02 03:00 PM

Intense....you do know how to wrap it tight and keep it that way. Sometimes your writing is incredibly powerful!

...and that situation, I hope there's poetic license in the way you describe it -- would be a shame if there weren't.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Darren
Junior Member

since 2003-09-30

Posts 30

4 posted 2003-12-02 03:24 PM

Wow, so poignant and yet so sad. Love can leave some deep wounds.

Either way, beautifully penned as usual Helen you truly have a gift.

Darren.

Interloper

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-06

Posts 8369
Deep in the heart

5 posted 2003-12-02 04:22 PM

You just get better and better and better and ...

Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write.

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

6 posted 2003-12-02 07:40 PM

Helen,
The boys are hot for your poetry. You describe a pain that won't soon part, I know. Peace for the romantic I pray.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

7 posted 2003-12-02 08:17 PM

My god, woman..

I can't breathe!

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

8 posted 2003-12-03 03:58 AM

gawd...you're good

HopeS
Member Elite

since 2000-12-22

Posts 4596
Perth Western Australia

9 posted 2003-12-03 08:21 AM

awesome , in sadness yet written so beautifully
Hope

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

10 posted 2003-12-03 09:46 AM

A beautiful poem, Helen...open hearted.

icebox
Member Elite

since 2003-05-03

Posts 4383
in the shadows

11 posted 2003-12-03 09:48 AM

All the above...and so much more.

You are superb!

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

12 posted 2003-12-03 05:06 PM

tonight this ocean is a little deeper
as I add my own drops of salt
while the moon silently listens
to another broken heart screaming
their secrets in naked thoughts
to the wind

Ache... painted with perfection. Excellent write!

Krawdad
Member Elite

since 2001-01-03

Posts 2597

13 posted 2003-12-04 12:48 PM

Yes, the ocean is a little deeper now . . .

You know, I'd like to hear you read this.

Rdz9
Member

since 2003-03-16

Posts 142
MT, USA

14 posted 2003-12-04 12:55 PM

Wow... just... wow.

One in a sea of millions has the power to change the world...

SharaRose
Member Elite

since 2003-07-19

Posts 2501
Somewhere out there~

15 posted 2003-12-04 04:39 AM

I just get choked up and can't speak...this is that.
Love,
Terri~

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender...Dido

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

16 posted 2003-12-04 04:50 AM

but misunderstandings
seem to tangle us in
insulated thick solid lines
and black boxes collected
numbered and categorized
to be given away later
in the volley of I hurt
…so I hurt you

I don't want to envy you, but I do!
This aches in a way I only wish I could write.

So good on you, Helen~

Kahlil
Senior Member

since 2003-04-12

Posts 1881

17 posted 2003-12-04 09:15 AM

beautiful....you've captured all the emotion and hopelessness...~K~

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

18 posted 2003-12-04 11:16 AM

I came back to look for this.

Absolutely one of your best.

This one haunted me, lady.

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

19 posted 2003-12-04 11:37 AM

Poignant writing done ever so delicately Helen. Truly incredible write hon..

Zinsser
Senior Member

since 2001-02-27

Posts 1641
Calif.

20 posted 2003-12-29 09:00 PM

took my breath away....
beautiful

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