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muted

Member Elite

since 2004-01-15

Posts 2949
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving

0 posted 2004-01-23 11:45 AM

I've choked on this heat
long past that '7 year itch'.
Im running out of lip gloss
and mirrors to pass.
This pretty face won’t even
buy me a ride home.
And I just had to follow you
to this bowl of dust
where "wet" is a metaphor
for something scandalous.
And I don’t think
a used smile
is gonna get me that
cool drink of "somewhere"
I've thirsted for in moments
in between
there....and here.
But what kind of favours
does a girl have to sell
just to bathe in the mud,
cause the only rain
that falls here
get blinked back
in fits of false laughter.
How am I gonna
lower the hemisphere
To drown the sun
when I can’t get
a firm grasp on the horizon
or reality.

So I'll just wait
'til you invite
me into your
bayou.

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

1 posted 2004-01-23 11:49 AM

Dawn OUTSTANDING. each line is one I LOVE!

steavenr
Member Elite

since 2003-11-17

Posts 4058

2 posted 2004-01-23 11:54 AM

this is extremely well-written, but my favorite part was:

"How am I gonna
lower the hemisphere
To drown the sun
when I can’t get
a firm grasp on the horizon
or reality."

Great write. Fun to read.

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

3 posted 2004-01-23 11:58 AM

Dawn, I really like this!! I love the way you
talk. Do you have a Southern Drawl like I do? LOL
Hugs,

Ethel

muted

Member Elite

since 2004-01-15

Posts 2949
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving

4 posted 2004-01-23 12:09 PM

~thank you~

just stopped in Ethel to tell you that yes i have a southern drawl! Im from south carolina but i left in '95 and been in australia ever since....

so now i guess im 'extremely southern'
LOL...

Edder
Senior Member

since 2003-04-02

Posts 671

5 posted 2004-01-23 12:32 PM

I didn't know you when you were here before, but somehow I think I've missed your writing... if that's possible.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

6 posted 2004-01-23 12:32 PM

I love this piece! Excellent!

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

7 posted 2004-01-23 01:17 PM

I love a well told story..and one which hints at sensuality as well as a bit of mystery..well. I'm a sucker for.
well set. with wording and imagery.. and it reads smooth as southern comfort.. and seemed to have the same kick..
well written...

I enjoyed

Pilgrimage
Member Elite

since 2001-12-04

Posts 3945
Texas, USA

8 posted 2004-01-23 04:27 PM

The metaphors just keep coming in this one. I felt like I was running to catch up. Some very effective images-I like this.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

Sadelite
Member Elite

since 2003-10-11

Posts 2519

9 posted 2004-01-23 11:51 PM

Enjoyed the incredible write!
Sadelite

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

10 posted 2004-01-23 11:55 PM

This was an incredible writing -- wow -- good writing!

Copperbell
Senior Member

since 2003-11-08

Posts 956

11 posted 2004-01-24 12:15 PM

I like this too - just had to say so.

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

12 posted 2004-01-24 11:57 AM

Dawn~
You just keep getting betterer and betterer~
Wonderful, wonderful penning here~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

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