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Pilgrimage
Member Elite

since 2001-12-04

Posts 3945
Texas, USA

0 posted 2004-01-23 10:02 AM

In the Native Quarter

Hot and dusty,
painted with a light too white for comfort,
the bazaar brimmed
with noise
and foreign stinks.

In all the bustle
he sat on a rug
and seemed to sleep.

A fakir,
a native,
a bearded man in a turban
alone,
half in shadow
half in sun.

I fingered lace at a near-by stall,
his stillness drawing my attention.

Slowly,
as though forced open by my gaze,
his heavy eyelids lifted
to reveal the Mediterranean at dusk.

Through the shouts
and cries
and rumble of the crowd
I heard his whisper,

"Not you."

I walked away.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

Edder
Senior Member

since 2003-04-02

Posts 671

1 posted 2004-01-23 10:05 AM

I was there, oh yes, I was there. Thank you for that... absolutely amazing!

muted

Member Elite

since 2004-01-15

Posts 2949
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving

2 posted 2004-01-23 10:08 AM

i think Edder and I were on the same tour...cause i know i could see it, smell it, feel it...and hear that whisper...

love the way this is written

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

3 posted 2004-01-23 10:15 AM

his heavy eyelids lifted
to reveal the Mediterranean at dusk.

Through the shouts
and cries
and rumble of the crowd
I heard his whisper,

"Not you."

~*~

Oh. Now wait. Not you, what?
More, please.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

4 posted 2004-01-23 12:58 PM

very vivid! well done!

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

5 posted 2004-01-23 01:13 PM

Geez, Nan, I think I would have ran!!!

Incredibly vivid!

"sit on top of the world and tell me how you feel...'cause what you feel is what I feel for you.."
~Dido~

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

6 posted 2004-01-23 01:20 PM

why have you not shown this style and story telling to us before? You have always written well and I have always enjoyed... but this captures more..and truly has become my favorite from you..

not you

indeed.. I know that look and reply to something unasked... and I have known those who could give it with some certainty that eventually made sense or began the journey to find it...

bravo Nan..

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

7 posted 2004-01-23 01:32 PM

NanNanNan~
This IS WONDERFUL~

So vividly it spoke the moment ... the scene became as if ... as if ...
yeah, as if I were right there~

'his heavy eyelids lifted
to reveal the Mediterranean at dusk'

Oh my !
This thought-line is to die for~

Talent ... talent ... talent~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

[email protected]

Pilgrimage
Member Elite

since 2001-12-04

Posts 3945
Texas, USA

8 posted 2004-01-23 04:00 PM

Thanks guys, I'm glad you like it. A friend at another website inspired it, and I thought it was good enough to stand on its own. He said he writes little vignettes just to get his creative juices flowing.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

9 posted 2004-01-23 05:34 PM

Nan, I felt the same as Sunshine said......
I felt as if I was right there, and I found myself
wanting to know more. Is there more? I hope so.
This was awesome!!

Hugs

Ethel

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

10 posted 2004-01-24 06:15 PM

(smiles) "Not you?". "NOT YOU?". Oh, but it IS you and you always belong wherever you take us, sweet friend, God Bless You, you put us all right in the moment, yay, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Nancy, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"You'll find something that's enough to keep you
But if the bright lights don't receive you
You should turn yourself around and come back home" MB20

Pilgrimage
Member Elite

since 2001-12-04

Posts 3945
Texas, USA

11 posted 2004-01-24 11:30 PM

Ethel, the exercise is to make a moment in time as vivid as you can, and inspire emotion or speculation. So I succeeded, and now you have to continue the story yourself.

Noah, Thank you so much. You are always so kind.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

Edder
Senior Member

since 2003-04-02

Posts 671

12 posted 2004-02-27 10:21 PM

had to come back again and see if i still got goosebumps... i did.

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