»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #30
»
Yuki Sings
| Open Poetry #30 |
|
Yuki Sings |
|
|
Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704
|
_ some weak rescue this ‘it’ll all be ok, one day’ and isn’t life a wait, beautiful one _ she has done this before on and off, around distance, a list in comfort when she needed the truth of skin it’s possible, the weight -not so far-fetched in our shrinking world _ he’s there, dreamed -comfort instead of the usual disasters planes crashing, pursuit, her mother’s eyes in death sometimes all he might say is ‘I know’ it’s enough _ 6am and the sleepless dawn she knows the size of his hands the way they fold her hair into the palm of his life _ I’d drift love into you and carve you into the sky and say ‘you belong, be safe’ |
||
| © Copyright 2004 Kamla Mahony - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Laoha Member
since 2003-03-07
Posts 161Nevada, USA |
Lovely thoughts, I like your style. |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
she knows the size of his hands ~*~ Somehow, that very line is extremely comforting. And? Glad to see you back! |
||
kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Hi K, no lingering sense of loss? upbeat poem that puts a grin on my face? my gosh, is this you i'm reading?  beautiful one ~what a sly reference to the talented poetess! it’s possible, the weight -not so far-fetched in our shrinking world ~er, didn't get this...the weight? meaning the knight in shining armour. but according to conventional logic, shouldnt it be the case that finding the ONE is more far-fetched in this shrinking world of ours because we grow more reliant on technology and place less emphasis on human ties and hence grow more distant from one another yadda yadda or is the weight referring to the burden one has to bear when s/he factors in a BGR into her/his life? he’s there, dreamed -comfort instead of ~maybe i am revealing my ignorance of poetry here but i thought it was clever to put "dreamed" and "-comfort" in 2 separate lines because the reader may deem it the case that he should put 2 and 2 together and come up with "dreamed-comfort"...which kinda adds another layer of meaning to this piece her mother’s eyes in death ~oh no. what a haunting line it’s enough ~Amen. Indeed. 6am and the sleepless dawn ~Awwwwwww, so sweet! but the poetess should really get some sleep. or work on more poetry if she can't/doesn't wanna so that she can bless us more with her presence she knows the size of his hands the way they fold her hair into the palm of his life ~my favourite bit. what a kewl way to express connectedness this was a delight to read, both the content and the form of the poem. while it's fun to see poets playing with language and flaunting their powerful vocabulary, your poem is proof that poetry touches deep, despite being written in plain simple language. and sometimes the simplest words do say it all and better. stay belonged and safe! p/s: er, didn't understand the reference. who/what is Yuki? |
||
|
Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
Well taken, Severn. Too often I find myself empathetic with my words, trying to do the "It'll-get-better stuff", when in fact, all the person needs is the "Know," that someone cares. I very much liked your reflection and the way in which you presented it. It made me think. ~Sadelite~ |
||
|
Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Deesse.... 20 minutes staring at the reply window and still speechless..come here I'll show you instead |
||
|
Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
"she knows the size of his hands the way they fold her hair into the palm of his life" Wow! Just..wow! Beautiful piece of work. Hugs~ In the midst of winter.. |
||
|
nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
very touching... "a list in comfort when she needed the truth of skin" wonderful expression M |
||
|
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Kamla So tender and real "sometimes all he might say is ‘I know’ it’s enough" and "she knows the size of his hands the way they fold her hair into the palm of his life" sigh......... So good to see you, DLP!! Hugs! |
||
garysgirl 
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
sometimes all he might say is ‘I know’ it’s enough How true this can be, K......... |
||
|
gadfly4you Junior Member
since 2004-01-24
Posts 37 |
I felt this...wonderful...thank you |
||
|
Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Laoha - thank you very much. I see you've dug up a few of my older works, for which I'm really flattered....cheers... Kari - the thing about this is that he's absolute comfort...so I'm glad that comfort came across. (Mind you, I did use the word twice grumble). Thank you, you always respond to my work whenever I choose to stumble on in here.... Hey another K - I don't know if it's 'upbeat' lol...me and upbeat? Nah...but yes, it's not about loss, that's for sure. 'beautiful one ~what a sly reference to the talented poetess!' Snort, yeah whatever. Lol... Weight/wait - there's two of them in the poem. I switched them to be cleva heh...and to play on the way they both apply in this particular piece. Less emphasis on human ties? This whole piece is about human ties...and how geography plays a small part in it...or on the other hand - with our technology we are more able to find a connection in a wider space aren't we? So, therefore, geography becomes the key. (Er, what's a BGR?) dreamed-comfort. Hadn't thought of it that way, and how does that make you ignorant. I like it..... I've wound up writing profound things in simple language...somehow over the years lol. I prefer it in what I read; it comes out in what I write I guess. I like to express emotion through image. You can't convey image clearly in a clutter of meaningless adjectives. Yuki. 'Yuki Song' is a song by Deep Forest from their recent album Music Detected. It's a haunting, haunting song. The poem isn't as such inspired by it, but rather the song expresses the inspiration of the man. Make any sense? Prolly not lol.. To understand, key lyrics (bit convoluted, but you need to ~hear~ the passion): 'I didn't see it coming but it came upon me and took a hold on me and I, I could not help but believe I have faith in this thing, I have one chance in my life and I must take it, I gotta give it to you and I cannot let it go...I will not let it go... I can't believe it, oh I can't believe it.' The singer has a....devastating voice. Anyway, hugs you....nice to talk as always....thanks for your input. Sadelite - smile...yes, and I know means the world sometimes. Thank you for your reply, I've always said I'm glad when I write something that causes someone to think (maybe there's hope for me after all).. Hey Ms Enchantress - smiling. I got a 'wow'. Thank you! Maureen - thank you..  MLP - I know you know this one....maybe there's a bit of you in there eh? Likely a bit of all of us. Thank you. Hugs dear one.. Ethel - yes indeed. A thing to be thankful for, understanding. Real understanding. gadfly - firstly, welcome to the forums. Secondly, thank you...I appreciate it. R - thanks for bringing my muse back. I thought it had gone for good. Quietly speaking nordic.  K |
||
|
Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
"she has done this before on and off, around distance, a list in comfort when she needed the truth of skin it’s possible, the weight -not so far-fetched in our shrinking world _ he’s there, dreamed -comfort instead of the usual disasters planes crashing, pursuit, her mother’s eyes in death sometimes all he might say is ‘I know’ it’s enough" . Sorry it took me awhile to get here Kamla (better said, to respond...I've read several times). Must say I did enjoy this bit of "departure" from you. The explanation of the title certainly shedding light on the intent. Hope to hear from this voice again... |
||
|
vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
"she knows the size of his hands the way they fold her hair into the palm of his life _ I’d drift love into you and carve you into the sky and say ‘you belong, be safe’" This is truly beautiful, Kamla... loved every bit of it. Good to read you again, my friend... "When the power of love overcomes the love |
||
|
Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
as nice as the song ( which you know i have--lol) J |
||
|
Laoha Member
since 2003-03-07
Posts 161Nevada, USA |
Yuki is also the name of a teen pop singer from Taiwan. She is very popular in Asia. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
