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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Open Poetry #30 |
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The Price I Paid |
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alan6501 Member
since 2004-01-03
Posts 89PA |
THE PRICE I PAID Looking at the price tag I know that it's way too much But something draws me closer I only want a touch... Shelves of endless merchandise What in the hell should I choose? Money won't buy me happiness Nor do you So I scan the possibilities Of what to take home No matter what I choose I'll still feel alone Bargains as a letdown Or are you bargaining my soul? Heartbreak from you, alway there Taken a hellish toll Addicted to your shopping I shouldn't have bought this much You only want whatever there is I only want a touch... ********************************************** What do you guys think? |
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| © Copyright 2004 Alan B. Stallsmith - All Rights Reserved | |||
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DavePage Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917 |
Beware a woman who says I dont want anything I have always paid through the nose No I insist on knowing what they want before they start shopping dave |
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Justbleu Member Elite
since 1999-08-31
Posts 3329Oregon, Originally From Alaska :) |
I like this piece....I'm not much of a critiquer so I'll just let you know what it made me think of and how it related to me. I like how I had two different scenarios going on in my head. One was something to do with telling Satan that you only like being tempted but, not to entice you into sin in regards to your eternal soul...etc. Anywayz, it's kinda hard to explain the other was much simpler and had to do with you shopping with your girlfriend/wife/friend. They wanted to pretty much buy anything and everything with YOUR MONEY without really any thought of true value. While you on the other hand just wanted to window shop. Look around and touch and that's pretty much all. Anwayz, I'm rambling like crazy!!!! Bridgette  "Somewhere, somehow, it should be possible to touch someone and never let go again. To hold someone, not for a moment but forever." Unknown |
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Michelle_loves_Mike
since 2003-12-20
Posts 1189Pennsylvania |
alan,,,, good write just stay away from the blue light specials,,, Michelle I wish all could find the true happiness I have found,,in the eyes of Mike |
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alan6501 Member
since 2004-01-03
Posts 89PA |
First of all, let me say-this has absolutely nothing to do with shopping!! I just used it as a metaphor or whatever you want to call it for my emotions at the time. It's basically saying how somebody wants everything in a relatonship or however you want to apply it (I tend to write about stuff that isn't COMPLETELY going on with myself but bits and pieces are. In a way I take my emotion and "exaggerate" them into a poem) It can also be taken as comparing a very greedy person to a person who doesn't need much in life to survive just fine. (I only want a touch...) Thanks for the feedback!!  |
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