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Open Poetry #30
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that day... one of my first poems ever
| Open Poetry #30 |
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that day... one of my first poems ever |
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ambrya_nell Junior Member
since 2004-01-11
Posts 28Ohio |
The feelings fell like rain that day Puddles reflected like pain that day Failing to dampen the shame today But washing the sound of your name away. The love could only try that day Time could find no lie that day The trees could only bend and sway The streets to wash their tears away The wind blew with fear that day The clouds far too near that day The sun cannot show it's face today It longs to shine down on yesterday When your voice was not so far away Your smiles to fill my everyday When I only lived in fear of the day When God would steal your breath away. |
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| © Copyright 2004 ambrya_nell - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Terrina Member
since 2003-12-31
Posts 166California |
The feelings fell like rain that day Puddles reflected like pain that day Failing to dampen the shame today But washing the sound of your name away. This is great. For your first poem ever, or one of them, this is an excellent way to start. It just really hurts me that we have to feel so bad to be so passionate. |
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muted
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving |
I agree with Terrina, so passionate, so sad...but such a good read!  |
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McLean Member
since 2004-01-05
Posts 484state of marital bliss |
weepy sad... you display emotion well in this line-up. McLean |
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Iron Wolf Junior Member
since 2004-01-20
Posts 23 |
The poem built up well and the ending was perfect. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
The wind blew with fear that day The clouds far too near that day The sun cannot show it's face today It longs to shine down on yesterday ~*~ Enjoyed the all of it very much... |
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2writeis2be Junior Member
since 2004-01-11
Posts 45Live in London, but from TX |
some catchy lines. pretty good for a first poem! ...and yes, alot of poetry is derived from sadness --but from that sadness come pieces of writing that people enjoy reading and makes them happy to have read a good piece. So out of sadness comes good things as well. Ok I'll stop rambling aimlessly now. "Why don't you try and learn from my mistakes? It takes half a lifetime to learn from your own." |
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ambrya_nell Junior Member
since 2004-01-11
Posts 28Ohio |
very true 2writeis2be... i'm glad you all liked it... i thought maybe the repeats at the end of each line was a bit much... what do you think? anyway..thanx for all your comments. |
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