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Open Poetry #30

countdown to oblivion

Nahgied
New Member

since 2004-01-11

Posts 9

0 posted 2004-01-13 06:24 PM

Countdown to oblivion, nearing the end; ring the gong/
Credits start to roll and I'm left humming my own theme song/
But now I read the names of those who have touched my life/
The teachers, the preachers, my family, my wife/
But this is it: a journey with no return/
All i can do is strain to watch my life slip with much concern/
Now reflection turns to panic/
And panic turns to cold fact/
Zoom in for a final shot/
Pan out...and fade to black/

comments would be greatly appreciated
thanks

alex

MARK V SHELDON
Member Elite

since 2001-06-21

Posts 3015
In a corporeal internship...

1 posted 2004-01-13 07:14 PM

Interesting scenario... I like the filmic metaphors, and this leaves me wondering about the "making of" documentary which will surely follow... right???

-MVS

You CAN make a difference:
http://educate-yourself.org/

Nahgied
New Member

since 2004-01-11

Posts 9

2 posted 2004-01-13 07:58 PM

there is more to this story...it is in the works.

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

3 posted 2004-01-14 08:49 AM

agree with Mark here... an interesting scenario which seems to set the reader up for the actual story.. a bit like being inside the mind of a performer before they walk on stage... we now have that insight and understanding of the fears...and wait for the story or performance to begin...

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

4 posted 2004-01-14 11:06 AM

Alex~

a short story of life, I too await the curtain call...

Lauren~

~*~
In your light I learn how to love
In your beauty how to make poems
You dance inside my chest where
no one sees you and that sight becomes art

Xonicx
Junior Member

since 2004-01-14

Posts 20
Vancouver, WA

5 posted 2004-01-14 12:03 PM

I like the poem, but the ending could have more of a kick to it, but i really did enjoy it!

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

6 posted 2004-01-14 01:11 PM

I like it

I have always wondered though, what the meaning is of putting the back-slashes at the end of the lines

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