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Trinity's Infinity
| Open Poetry #30 |
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Trinity's Infinity |
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teenpoet Member
since 2001-10-17
Posts 280Michigan |
Little things that don't make sense You never told me how to walk away I cannot understand the difference between today and yesterday So easily incapacitated So quickly I am confused Three guys one word And it's all because of you Your friends your life Your simple little lies But I can't trust myself And I can't trust you I don't know if you lie to me I don't know if they lie to me All I have to hold me up Is my hope for something good I want you here by my side Want your love you claim to have Need something to pull me through Pull me through to you? I don't know It's everything that's gone wrong Piled into just one moment Everything I've ever dreamed Straining in one man It isn't supposed to be this hard Isn't supposed to confuse me like this Or is it? Is this how it's supposed to be? Am I supposed to lose my mind Only to find it again in you I try to find a path I know A path I want to follow But all the paths that I want Have your footprints on them I'd go alone along the way But my body feels so hollow When I don't have your footprints next to mine That way I don't have to follow I can walk along beside you And I can pretend that the trinity That confuses me Is all just my imagination And that you are my dream come true (I think you are anyway) Then I'll walk through the day And dream of pleasant things As you guide me over sticks and stones And catch me should I fall When you twist around to see the past you're missing your chance to glimpse the future. |
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| © Copyright 2004 Alicia Adams - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Terrina Member
since 2003-12-31
Posts 166California |
And that you are my dream come true (I think you are anyway) Then I'll walk through the day And dream of pleasant things As you guide me over sticks and stones And catch me should I fall I love this last part. There are things in the beggining that are a bit redundant. It's obvious that you think this person hurt you and did it intentionally, or did he? You're nto sure...You can say that in a couple lines, or two versus, you don't need to elaborate that much unless you are going to go into what was said, and how it effects you. but you are good. There is quality here. Keep it up. |
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teenpoet Member
since 2001-10-17
Posts 280Michigan |
You are right and thank you for the opninions and advice. I'd try it but I never edit anything that I write when it comes to poetry. If it were a story or prose or such i would correct it but as it is not I won't mess with it. but i want you to know that I value your opnion anyway. When you twist around to see the past you're missing your chance to glimpse the future. |
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cusick Senior Member
since 2003-07-27
Posts 668 |
It could be pruned slightly but a brilliant poem. Some really good images. Maggie |
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