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Memo # 1511-12b
| Open Poetry #30 |
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Memo # 1511-12b |
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Effigy Member
since 2000-04-11
Posts 486disbelief 
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It's been months since we spoke. life has it's inconviences traffic gets in the way. If I may be honest with you... kind of thought you were dead - at least lost. You haven't sang haven't written. Where have you been? (Bathing in the preformed history of current maturity?) Well it wasn't here. -not in this cubicle. -not looking into this screen. No you have definatly been gone. I would not have recognized, were it not for my eyes staring back at me (a mirror is incapable of deception or lies.) your weak, frale and malnourished appearance. Perhaps...yes I think so, you are dead. You see a memory fades, changes and is inevidably stored in a box at the back of a warehouse. Just a discarded toy glaced over in an adult mind forgotten in play. M.I.A. Sincerly, me [This message has been edited by Effigy (11-26-2003 06:35 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 wes wiggins - All Rights Reserved | |||
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Poignant and sad, but a heartwarming, gentle emotional write. Hope the intended MIA reads this, and acknowledges that you care. It's good to see you in here again. Hope you enjoy a Happy Thanksgiving. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I know how this feels...I'm going through this now, like I was yesterday... good to see you back around |
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Effigy Member
since 2000-04-11
Posts 486disbelief |
I enjoyed the kind remarks, however I believe that you two may have misunderstood the concept of the poem. MIA was not a person, it was the man's imagination (youth). He had gotten so busy in his new role as an adult he had left childhood toys behind. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
Wes, I guess when I read poetry, I look for deeper meanings than what is written... it's a good write that makes people search for and find deeper meaning  |
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forne_marin Member
since 2004-04-13
Posts 140Spartanburg, South Carolina |
Well, it's good to know that I can follow your line of thought. I figured it was someone talking to themselves on some level. What I didn't get was "youth". If you want to stick with that, then you need to work on this piece, because even knowing what you intended, I've reread it several times and it still doesn't come across. That and one other thing: "(Bathing in the preformed history of current maturity?)" What the hell kind of psychobabble is that? That didn't make a bit of sense. Technically, it's a good piece. Heck, I even liked it. My take on it was someone caught in a corporate hell who one day finally looked himself in the mirror (instead of his reflection in a computer screen) and realized he didn't recognize himself anymore. So don't get me wrong, I liked the piece, but it needs to be overhauled. I believe the most important component of a poem is rhythm. Rhythm is the heartbeat of a poem. It is what makes poetry poetry. |
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