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Open Poetry #30
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Because Of You...
| Open Poetry #30 |
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Because Of You... |
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alan6501 Member
since 2004-01-03
Posts 89PA |
BECAUSE OF YOU Pacify my thoughts with good things Make me want to crave you Be sure that when I despair It’s because of you, and only you... ************************************************** This one is very short but I think it's effective that way. What do you guys think? |
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| © Copyright 2004 Alan B. Stallsmith - All Rights Reserved | |||
Michelle_loves_Mike
since 2003-12-20
Posts 1189Pennsylvania |
you dont need to drag out those words,,,,very good,,,,, michelle I wish all could find the true happiness I have found,,in the eyes of Mike |
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DavePage Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917 |
It is too easy to be pat with words. Write what you are happy with and if a light approach is how you like it stay with it. dave I would explode the emotion: Explode my mind with delight Wrap your soul Within my fingers Trap my words with your mouth. |
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wintertao Member
since 2003-11-17
Posts 366Okaloosa Island, FL |
I think its pretty weak... |
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Michelle_loves_Mike
since 2003-12-20
Posts 1189Pennsylvania |
Winter,,,,it's cool to drop a critique,,,,,,but, give him a few clues as to why you feel this poem was weak,,,I'm curious myself,,,,,thank you Michelle I wish all could find the true happiness I have found,,in the eyes of Mike |
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alan6501 Member
since 2004-01-03
Posts 89PA |
I don't think it's my best poem but I've always been slightly "fond" of it so I don't know. Actually there is a longer version of it that I had published in my school's magazine. (that's not that great of an accomplishment) but I always liked the shortened version. I'll have to find that magazine and post my longer version of this one and see what you guys think. |
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