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Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

0 posted 2004-01-08 03:29 AM

     I smell the salt
       in the air..

            Touch me,

I know
      you're still
               not there.

Take my hand all you'll not
find
  the rose       you left

       behind,

in my very care...

Shall
   I let
the petals die?

Walk swiftly in spite
     of watching the fall.. the petrifying
intoxicating
dash
   through mid-air.

..So in flesh I stand

face to face with sorrow,

and she weeps...weeps

              ...upon my shoulder..

There was no evidence,
upon the morning dew, of tears shed.

        But I
          still
            smell
              the salt.

Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

1 posted 2004-01-08 05:30 AM

Certainly has an Modern/Progressive look about it,
Not sure it aids in the message or not,
But I did enjoy the reading of it
Must be my old fuddy-duddy-ism showing

Gloom

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

2 posted 2004-01-08 05:30 AM

I love the way you write along with the power of emotion you instill in all your works.

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

3 posted 2004-01-08 05:40 AM

how sadly beautiful

ice
Member Elite

since 2003-05-17

Posts 3404
Pennsylvania

4 posted 2004-01-08 08:41 AM

I believe your poetical reach is longer
Than the short tongue that reaches
Now and tastes the stain of salt in tears...
In a while, will come another
Bearer of a fresh rose,
And I know you will be writing about it
With tears of hope, and joy in your eyes..

Enjoyed reading this, it shows you have long range and are not afraid to experiment...
________ice
><>

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

5 posted 2004-01-08 08:44 AM

Kaoru
A refreshing glass of wine.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

6 posted 2004-01-08 08:47 AM

Wonderful bittersweet write!
Hugs~

In the midst of winter..
I found there lives within me,
an invincible summer.

Opeth
Senior Member

since 2001-12-13

Posts 1543
The Ravines

7 posted 2004-01-08 09:19 AM

Beautifully bittersweet... and enjoyment to read.

PS ~ An Opeth, Death, and Borknagar fan... cool!

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

8 posted 2004-01-08 09:32 AM

Shall
   I let
the petals die?

Walk swiftly in spite
     of watching the fall.. the petrifying
intoxicating
dash
   through mid-air.

..So in flesh I stand

face to face with sorrow,

and she weeps...weeps

              ...upon my shoulder..
your good kiddo.... you are good..

Brad Majors

Member Elite

since 2001-04-03

Posts 2647
Georgia

9 posted 2004-01-08 10:24 AM

wonderfully done

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

10 posted 2004-01-08 10:28 AM

Take my hand all you'll not
find
  the rose       you left

       behind,

in my very care...

Shall
   I let
the petals die?

Meghan, even though this is sad, it's a
beautiful write. I really enjoyed reading it.
And, it's good to see you here.

Hugs

Ethel

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

11 posted 2004-01-08 10:39 AM

"I still smell the salt" -- very unique and sad!

LeeJ
Member Patricius

since 2003-06-19

Posts 13296

12 posted 2004-01-08 10:48 AM

I thought this was outstanding in every way.
What a writter you are...simply felt every word!

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

13 posted 2004-01-09 11:25 PM

Lovely...James

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