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Open Poetry #30

Creepers

Foxyoasis
Senior Member

since 2003-06-10

Posts 974
Atlantic Beach,Fla

0 posted 2004-01-06 05:23 AM

slit my face once again
seems like the insanity
won't ever end. wake up
and see the sky the ray's
upon the sun deepen my feelings
more.

on going agoning that haunts my
days nothing seems to work out in my or
anyone's ways but your own. how do you
captivate me on this thorn?

drip drops
of morning dew cloud my thoughts about
your quest for the way to make things go
out of place. push on as it may be the things
i seen don't seem the same any longer.

I know my form is bad it needs to be spaced better other then that way you think

LngJhnAg
Member Elite

since 1999-07-23

Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion

1 posted 2004-01-06 08:16 AM

This is really deep, Foxy. I read it three times, and each time I found something new.

Michelle_loves_Mike

Senior Member

since 2003-12-20

Posts 1189
Pennsylvania

2 posted 2004-01-06 08:18 AM

your words are good, the meaning is there,,,,do work on your spacing and punctuation,,,so all may find the right places to punch the emphasis
keep up the good work
Michelle

I wish all could find the true happiness I have found,,in the eyes of Mike

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

3 posted 2004-01-06 08:20 AM

Foxyoasis
Good expression, enjoyed the read.

Foxyoasis
Senior Member

since 2003-06-10

Posts 974
Atlantic Beach,Fla

4 posted 2004-01-07 04:38 AM

thanks alot! i know i need work on grammer it was just an un edited version

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