The silent drive - pipTalk Forums

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bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

0 posted 2003-11-26 02:37 AM

The landscape locks in place.
A silent drive that fills the miles.
Your face reflected in the screen
back at me.

Quiet cars to left and right.
I no longer eat.
Your unwanted falling beams
drip cold as a sunset.

I no longer see myself.
What did you see in me?
Why that night to tie the air
into a strangled knot?

I watch my feet upon the floor.
Feel the bumps from far away.
The road is rough and traveled through.
The signs are pointing nowhere.

The sleepy wine-chill of your voice.
Is that shame or victory
hidden in the death of tone?
And silence is my shield.

Your face reflected in the screen.
I close my eyes. Don't look at me.
I cannot eat. And still I see.
The landscape waits and waits.

Fire Fairy
Junior Member

since 2003-10-22

Posts 43
Australia

1 posted 2003-11-26 03:02 AM

A really beautiful piece. It was really well constructed and I could feel every word with you imagery.

Luscious work!

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

2 posted 2003-11-26 03:30 AM

gawd! this is awesomely sad and beautiful!

Sadelite
Member Elite

since 2003-10-11

Posts 2519

3 posted 2003-11-26 11:13 AM

bsquirrel,
   wow... Ok.   Choose a favorite line, Sadelite!  O.K.  Here goes... I really identified with this part as I am a long distance commuter:

  The landscape locked in place.

  As I drive down the interstate each day, nothing changes-the landscape is, as you say it, locked in place.   It was interesting how that imagery related to the situation.
                            Sadelite

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

4 posted 2003-11-26 11:28 AM

Mikey, once again, you've held the paintbrush close to your heart, and let the colors bleed freely. A sad but beautiful write.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

5 posted 2003-11-26 11:32 AM

Gawd Mike...this is fantastic.
Your imagery is awesome.
Hugs~

~ Happy Thanksgiving America! ~

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

6 posted 2003-11-26 12:14 PM

watch my feet upon the floor.
Feel the bumps from far away.

Mike there are just so many good lines here...I hope this is just a poem of longing and that you are "doing" fine.

M

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

7 posted 2003-11-26 12:17 PM

You KNOW that your imagery always holds me. It keeps me in place while I struggle meaning from the whole.

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

8 posted 2003-11-26 04:39 PM

Thank you, everyone. I really enjoy reading these responses, and seeing what they bring out. Thanks for readin' this.

Mike

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