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Open Poetry #30
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Chateaus in the Sky
| Open Poetry #30 |
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Chateaus in the Sky |
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LiquidMidnight Member
since 2003-09-24
Posts 50 |
Chateaus in the Sky A whirlpool A rhyme I take to you like a cat to thyme Looking out across the mountains from chateaus in the sky The definite The deep In the garden summer tide you do sleep Where the breeze is scented by the fountains that fall nigh I would bath your figure in the Milky Way If you'd let it melt from your hair, in black and grey I'd cast it in your eyes to amplify the gleam Then pour it into a vial, and christen it "Liquid Dream" You could pose for imagination in the still life reflection To give inspiration to Heaven's poet's perception You'll sophisticate their essentiality and incite their collective caprice Where back on earth, you'll be unveiled in the world's art gallery, to rave reviews of "Divinity's Greatest Masterpiece" A rhythm A groove You displace the cosmic balance but to transmove Beside the aerial streams that flow nigh The color The tone Of all of the glass dreams you have blown In my studio, floating amongst the chateaus in the sky |
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| © Copyright 2004 LiquidMidnight - All Rights Reserved | |||
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I like this...I'm not much for giving critique, but I will say I like this |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
LiquidMidnight~ I would bath your figure in the Milky Way If you'd let it melt from your hair, in black and grey I'd cast it in your eyes to amplify the gleam Then pour it into a vial, and christen it "Liquid Dream" This is priceless ... yet probably marketable~  *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost, |
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Terrina Member
since 2003-12-31
Posts 166California |
The color The tone Of all of the glass dreams you have blown I love this line. This is the kicker for me. Happy new year. |
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LiquidMidnight Member
since 2003-09-24
Posts 50 |
Thank you for all of the feedback. I've been kind of ambivalent when it comes to this poem. There's some things I really like about it and others that I don't think are quite......"perfection"  I think I need to revise some things in the two middle verses. Again thanks for all the feedback.  |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Enjoyed...James |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
The color The tone Of all of the glass dreams you have blown Absolutely beautiful art work!!! |
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KoKo Senior Member
since 2003-02-15
Posts 995Inside the shadow's shadow |
This was cool. |
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Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow |
Art in words, words in art..there's no other way for me to describe my feelings about this.. It's not only intelligent, but captivating and beautiful. Can't help but want more. |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
A rhythm A groove "You displace the cosmic balance but to transmove Beside the aerial streams that flow nigh The color The tone Of all of the glass dreams you have blown In my studio, floating amongst the chateaus in the sky" This last section is my favorite -- it's goooood. Thanks for the write! |
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LiquidMidnight Member
since 2003-09-24
Posts 50 |
Wow, I didn't realize people were still commenting on this poem. Again, thank you. I'm definately planning on changing a few things in the 4th verse. I like the first two lines but the "divinity's masterpiece....." part seems too contrived. Again, thank you. |
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