»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #30
»
Rusty Rose
| Open Poetry #30 |
|
Rusty Rose |
|
|
lovejunkie Member
since 2003-12-31
Posts 93Indiana |
Rusty Rose Two roses in the garden raise to greet the day As you walk past They bloom- beautiful and red Conniving your love with their thorns A rock and a hard place They’re as different as evening and night Incomparable like stone and rock Both as sweet as lemon and lime Heartbeats trapped by a tarnished fence Eagerly embrace the worn out bars Instead of fighting past the guard And letting a new rose in In goes their thorns And out pours your pain The bars slice your heart Until you race to the other dishonest flower Your dewy eyes drip the life into their razors again Ready to try again to tame the wild To make it complete the holes in your love But all the roses can give is heartache… |
||
| © Copyright 2003 steph - All Rights Reserved | |||
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Welcome. Now this is definitely the darker side of love's imagery. Makes one want to back away from those thorny roses, no matter how seet the scent. Anyway, welcome to passions! |
||
|
A B S T R A C T Junior Member
since 2003-12-31
Posts 27-=NYC=- |
I think that this is well-written, however... I think that some of the lines are rather weak since they are overused (sliced heart) and you should have concentrated on your flow. Hope this helps. |
||
|
DavePage Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917 |
Will you see life outside of the bars Will you see the thorns of a rose as something grown from stoney ground spiking those who would smile. Surely the smile through bars is better than no smile. Charle Dickens wrote in Pickwick's Papers of something. Your words took me back to it. Dave |
||
garysgirl 
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Welcome to Passions In Poetry. This is an interesting first post. I hope that you will enjoy PIP. Please, check your e-mail for a special greeting from everyone at Passions. Hugs, Ethel/garysgirl Moderator/Passions In Poetry |
||
|
EverRuss Member
since 2003-12-31
Posts 66Indiana |
its a beautiful piece of writing and really takes a victorian look at love. I think its wonderful |
||
|
lil' Angel Member
since 2003-11-14
Posts 116 |
good poem Lil' Angel |
||
|
lovejunkie Member
since 2003-12-31
Posts 93Indiana |
i think this is one of my better poems. thanks guys! |
||
|
passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
yep...I like the last lines...neat ending |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Welcome to Passions! You've garnered some good comments, I hope you will share some more with us again soon. Karilea - if I whisper, will you listen? |
||
|
Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Welcome to Passions~ *Huglets*  ~*Marge*~ ~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost, |
||
|
LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
LJ - What a wonderful poem! It has so many layers to it. You may think it is your best poem, but I have a feeling it will become only one of your best as you continue to explore who you are, and how well you can write. Welcome to Passions. Beware, however, there are two devilish rascals on this board who attack me with their wit (fortunately, they use small caliber weapons - heh). Balladeer and Toerag are NOT to be believed when they try to tell you I am anything but sweet and sincere. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
