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the fight
| Open Poetry #29 |
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the fight |
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tornskirt Member
since 2003-03-30
Posts 87 |
sirens in the darkness comign to collect my broken body brusied from your playing toying with my raw emotions don't look now three sheets to teh wind gone adn gone again on the phone with you talking it through again and over twice i'm ending it now dial tone and no One's voice montonous droning can't focus blinking lights alone with my thoughts at home in my doorless room YOU put me here in a guarded prison a cell of glass i can't breakthrough nor can you too drunk to notice me no, but soon you'll realize those sirens weren't for you... they were for me and now, they too, are gone |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
sirens in the darkness comign to collect my broken body brusied from your playing toying with my raw emotions a strong opening... a suggestion, to check your typos before submitting or use spellcheck to fix them..they take away from your work. *s M |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Did you plan the spelling errors so that the piece would be seen as if through tears...if so it's an effective tool if not I'm with nkdthoughts...you need to check your spelling. Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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tornskirt Member
since 2003-03-30
Posts 87 |
thank's -- i'll work on checking my typos... |
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