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Open Poetry #29
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Seaside Turning
| Open Poetry #29 |
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Seaside Turning |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass 
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Seaside Turning it’s long past the time of gathering shells, bare shouldered in the sunlight, long careless hair cascading like the water that slides over the sand castle today there will be only her steps in the dampening sand, no castles anymore, only steps and the halves of shells, white traces left behind by little lives Hem deep now, even her steps fade as she makes them, and quiet, demure, she turns her back to the sea daring waves |
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| © Copyright 2003 Ed Ratledge - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow |
Amazing work.. As with everything you write, I'm put into awe..  |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggssssssss) But as she turns away into the waves, you can feel her heart beat and as the ebb keeps coming in softly, you know she is truly still here! (sigh) God Bless You, sweet friend, I love this, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Ed, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth |
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dingusjr Member
since 2003-09-24
Posts 415Missouri |
Shells, huh? And who is this woman who haunts you so? Nice job! Larry |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
a memory just came back thank you |
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1slick_lady Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088standing on a shadow's lace |
nice waves...h |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
lovely setting and poem...very much enjoyed, your work is always caring and filled with emotion. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
it’s long past the time of gathering shells, bare shouldered in the sunlight, long careless hair cascading like the water that slides over the sand castle today there will be only her steps in the dampening sand, no castles anymore, only steps and the halves of shells, white traces left behind by little lives ======================== no no no...it cant be past time ... I wont let it be.......  you know Im loving this wistful write of the waves....beautiful imagery and personifi poet sir...I'll just have to hope that you will write of the tides to tide me over thru winter. "If you feel heartbreak, distant thunder, lightning, earthquakes ... |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Ed, you write with such grace long careless hair cascading like the water that slides over the sand castle beautiful stanza, I saw that and she sounds like is a new soul indeed beautiful xxoo |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Ed....Such a pretty portrait of a beautiful woman.  |
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Ericc Member Elite
since 2003-01-31
Posts 4178 |
Simply beautiful. Eric |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
it’s long past the time of gathering ... ~*~ A woman is touched by just those very words... because of all she holds dear, and the fact that she is a gatherer by nature... |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Ed~ A very quiet *sigh*~ *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost, |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Your pen is as effective as any brush could ever be... with your palette of words you've created a beautiful portrait of a special lady... Excellent work... yes! *S* |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Ed...I tried to choose some favorite lines, but I just love the whole of this. Absolutely gorgeous, my friend. Hugs, ~Vicky When the power of love overcomes the |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
I'd tip my hat in respect if i wore one |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
it’s long past the time of gathering shells, bare shouldered in the sunlight, long careless hair cascading like the water that slides over the sand castle How sweet, fulfilling, and brief~ Geeez Ed~ This is lovely~ |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
 We should never stop making sand castles.. Reminds me of the song (okay so I am dating myself..shhh) "Seasons in the Sun" oh that was a good song... Susan |
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n2dmystic Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 253beyond the doors of perception |
gawd! who sang "Seasons In The Sun"? beautiful write!!! may she come on a wave of love... Peace, Joe |
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strings0305 New Member
since 2003-10-01
Posts 6 |
First off: Thank you for leaving a comment on my poem. And secondly, this is a great poem. I'm reminded of long black hair, and fair skin. *chuckles* Despite the fact that the sentiment portrayed in the read I'm thinking of is not similar to this at all :p.... The poem I'm thinking of - 15th century Japanese? Something like that. Rambling aside. While I can see the sad undertone that others have mentioned, I don't particularly see this poem as a manner of expressing grief - although, I could be terribly off ;p. What I see is appreciation, tinged with the aforementioned sadness. Now, given the fact that the narrator isn't always the author of the poem, I believe that the narrator is seperated from the woman who is "bare shouldered/in the sunlight" in some way - true. But at the same I see no particular finality. Be this because the seperation is only temporary, or because the seperation is permanent but the mere memory of this woman "daring waves" brings a small, sad smile to the narrator's face. Suggestions. "cascading like/the water that slides/over the sand castle" Great lines, but at the same time, cascading and slides, in my mind, don't seem to mesh. I might suggest adding something about the hair color and a subsequent comparison to add to the personal feeling of the poem. Maybe something like: cascaded like (insert color here) lace, (color again) water sliding over sandy ramparts. Now, if the hair color happens to be black, or something far-fetched, simply toss in another image where the color would appear the second time. "black, reflected in water, sliding over sandy ramparts." And yes, I like to arbitrarily toss in adjectives! :P... Maybe throw one in in front of water? ANYWAY, this is getting long, so I'll come to a close. A great poem, I look forward to reading more. Especially since I have an aversion towards more structured poems :P |
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Greeneyes
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
I so love when you write of the sea.....and how "she" means so much.....you bring those memories back, that touch the deep of me.....few can.... hugssss you....touching as always.....Lauren~ The way you move me |
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angelblueyes Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2148Oklahoma |
These waves were nice to see from your view. Crystal |
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Edder Senior Member
since 2003-04-02
Posts 671 |
Ok, we already share a name...how about sharing some of that muse? |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Hi, Edder..... That particular muse lives a lot closer to you than she does to me.....couple thousand miles closer in fact. I've been called that same name a bunch, mainly because I've got that "R" last name I think....and a whole bunch of other ones....at least with that handle they don't sing to you about horses! ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
ahem...anyone know who did "Seasons in the Sun"???? |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
I've had a few....and I look forward to many more. Any kind of sun you can think of. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Susan?...yes...that was Terry Jacks. And, shhhh...I loved that song too... enough so, that I recorded it onto a CD... When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. -Jimi Hendrix [This message has been edited by vlraynes (10-04-2003 01:53 AM).] |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
Thank you Vicky! (I wonder what year it came out, I want to know exactly how badly I dated myself...lol) |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Ed, you have showed in your painting of words just how beautiful "she" is. You know that I love your writing. I missed you these last few days that I haven't been here much.  Hugs, my friend Ethel |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
Sir,one of my fovrite write enjoyed this |
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