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Open Poetry #29
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Sadelite
Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519


0 posted 2003-11-20 06:23 PM



She brought him to my office
after day of tiring work.
The image of their playing eyes
brought back a memory
that long had ceased to lurk.

His babbling eyes and bright words
contrasted hers a bit.
Hers, just as beautiful,
when in her humbled silence
they gleamed a fire lit.

From every expression and word he spoke
she comsumed his vibrant color
via her paintbrush eyes.
Through her eyes she spread the aura
in the room I saw colors rise.

‘Tis a different five o’clock
after a day of tiring work.
As I lift my jacket from the hook
for color, I have to stop and look.
Their presence had been so great,
e n l a r g i n g
a little tiny room.

[This message has been edited by Sadelite (11-21-2003 07:26 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 Sadelite - All Rights Reserved
Ratleader
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass
1 posted 2003-11-21 01:17 AM


Sometimes you just have to capture the moment....

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
2 posted 2003-11-21 02:44 AM


wow

sometimes we all have to pause in search of the colors

Sadelite
Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519

3 posted 2003-11-21 04:22 AM


Ratleader,
   Thanks for stopping by again.  Yeah, I just had to give it a whirl at penning the moment.  This was very difficult for me.  
Do you have any tips on how to do this type of thing?   I wonder how one puts more action in something like this, so as to help hold the reader's attention.  (When I wrote it yesterday, I was satisfied, but as I read it today, I find it doesn't hold my attention) Any ideas would be great...
                          Sadelite

Sadelite
Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519

4 posted 2003-11-21 05:18 AM


passing shadows,
   It's good to hear from you again.  Thanks for your positive comments...  
                    Sadie

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