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Enigma
Junior Member

since 2003-11-13

Posts 11
kadena, Japan

0 posted 2003-11-13 02:44 AM

TRADIN PLACES

Once again I stare at a blank page
Tryn 2 materialize my thoughts
I just wish u could step inside my head
And take my conscience for a walk

I wish u could see [Edited by Moderator] through my eyes
Just catch a glimpse of what I see
U’d know why I block out Emotions
And why I write so emotionally

I want so bad 2 express myself
Just have someone I can talk with
But it seems no ones trustworthy
So I don't need yall…..All yall make me sick!!

Only God Can Judge Me

[This message has been edited by Enchantress (11-13-2003 09:15 AM).]

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

1 posted 2003-11-13 02:53 AM

This doesn't really work for me~
NO offense~

WildPoet
Member

since 2003-11-10

Posts 205
California

2 posted 2003-11-13 03:02 AM

LOL! Love the ending!

WildPoet

Enigma
Junior Member

since 2003-11-13

Posts 11
kadena, Japan

3 posted 2003-11-13 03:07 AM

Wild-
Thanks 4 thought, it means a lot.

Only God Can Judge Me

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

4 posted 2003-11-13 03:22 AM

using chat slang is not appropriate in poetry

just my opinion

KoKo
Senior Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 995
Inside the shadow's shadow

5 posted 2003-11-13 07:20 AM

Welcome to pip

take my conscience for a walk

That was a cool line, but here's a little advice:

Not alot of people like internet slang in poetry. It doesn't flow as well, looks nasty and sloppy, and is just plain annoying.
Try to work on your flow, also.

In the meantime, you might find yourself more comfortable in the teen area.

I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.
--Chang Tzu

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

6 posted 2003-11-13 08:07 AM

Enigma
I think you'll change your mind here. Enjoyed.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

7 posted 2003-11-13 09:17 AM

Welcome to Passions.
I'm sure if you take a look around our forums you will love it here.
Please check your email for a special greeting.

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

8 posted 2003-11-13 10:03 AM

LOL, I'm wondering which four poets you are thinking about with that title.
Welcome to Passions.

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

9 posted 2003-11-13 10:38 AM

I guess this is putting the street into it? just a guess it looks awful lonely from here.

Greeneyes~

i carry your heart with me
i am never without it
you are what a moon has always meant sky of sky
the wonder that keeps stars apart-
e.e.cummings

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

10 posted 2003-11-13 03:32 PM

(smiles) This is a powerful debut, sweet friend, we believe everyone is a poet and we are all soooooo happy you're here to express your voice, yay! Welcome to Passions, sweet Robert, may you be inspired by all of us here as we will all be inspired by your lovely words! I can't wait to read more of your heartfelt poetry, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Robert, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sun set and I perceive

***Live***

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

11 posted 2003-11-13 05:32 PM

Write on...James

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

12 posted 2003-11-13 06:59 PM

I think in the title,  the poet is saying
Only For True Poets...  vice "4"....

And I agree, it is distracting seeing the
use of numbers and single letters in place
of words...  This is fine in chat,  but
does not do credit to an otherwise acceptable
piece of art....

Enigma
Junior Member

since 2003-11-13

Posts 11
kadena, Japan

13 posted 2003-11-14 08:33 PM

THANK U THANK U THANK U!
I am am so glad YOU all have taken the time to read and respond to my work. As for the "slang" that is just the way I write.
As far as I can tell I'm one of the few folks who do it. I write like that with a pen. It's just me personalizing my work and it is part of the urban, street level I dont want to ever lose touch with. Thank U again from the bottom of my heart.

Only God Can Judge Me

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