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Open Poetry #29
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Cpat Hair
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Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793


0 posted 2003-11-07 09:01 AM


The akinesia from three shots
Tequila,lime,salt
Left time for my eyes
To follow the room
As in frantic frenzied noise
Cardboard cut outs
Lit matches to the skin of decency
Worn everywhere but
Here
Lost Vegas
And burned away the last remnants
Of life so they could be free
To say “What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas.”

She walked in
With the semi defiant affectation
Of Catholic school girl gone bad
And sat with skewed legs
Suggestive
          In a puddle of skirt
As her hands arranged
Enough room for one to glimpse
Wares clearly polished
        

Would be Lotharios
       Stroked their greedy eyes
Before the tongue found purchase on words
And the 100 proof in veins
Gave courage to approach

First shocked
            At either the tag
Or the fact

The second
        Amenable to the whole

Pressed flesh of hand on more
Before they found a way to the elevator
And commerce again showed
Supply side economics
Was valid

I felt my own skin begin to singe
As mind began in tumble of cacti juice
To think perhaps I too
Could buy a moments forgetful
Only to realize

The smell of alone
Suited my skin

[This message has been edited by Cpat Hair (11-07-2003 09:12 AM).]

© Copyright 2003 Cpat Hair - All Rights Reserved
Brad Majors
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since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647
Georgia
1 posted 2003-11-07 09:04 AM


well done
Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
2 posted 2003-11-07 09:07 AM


"She walked in
With the semi defiant affectation
Of Catholic school girl gone bad"

Stop talking about me!!!  LOL

I am so glad you are posting!


"if you won't let me fall for you
then you won't see the best that I would love to do for you"
~Dido~

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
3 posted 2003-11-07 09:13 AM



I think once JM bounces in here, she'll be off the walls over this...keeping teaching, Cap'n...your students are ready, willing, and eager to know how to pursue alone so well.

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
4 posted 2003-11-07 09:15 AM


Cpat,
Tempt and you will be tempted, good write.

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

5 posted 2003-11-07 09:30 AM


Love Tequila & salt, especially Tequila or Frozen Margarittas....

Anyway, as always your work is brilliant and I do so enjoy reading you...thank you for creating and sharing this work of art.  I liked a lot.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
6 posted 2003-11-07 09:38 AM


As usual Captain...very well done!
I'm so pleased you followed your good senses
and remained clear headed about the woman
with the goods for sale...
OOOh it's just a poem!!  See??  See what you do to me?
I get so wrapped up in the story....
That's good...a real good sign.
Good to see you back in the blue.
Hugs~

~Time has cast a spell on you,
  So you won't ever forget me~

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
7 posted 2003-11-07 09:51 AM


Sighs Catholic schoolgirls..and the uniform
mmmm plaid
um.yeah. don't mind me i'm like totally stoned dude

suggestion?

..Of life so they could be free
To say “What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas.”

seems better as

burning the last remnants of life
so they could be free to say
What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas.

something just felt awkward about those breaks and Corinne once told me italics work better than quotations and i agree.
of course in all this keep in mind im out of mine grins

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

8 posted 2003-11-07 10:31 AM


In a puddle of skirt
======================
ing at that line.

Before the tongue found purchase on words
And the 100 proof in veins
Gave courage to approach

=======================

love that personif.
Yep..youre right Vegas aint your kind of town...lets go fishing...I'll bring the stink bait.

Words break into splinters on the pages I write
If I lost you I don't know what I'd do ...
Burn forever where the flame turns blue

David Gray

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
9 posted 2003-11-07 11:18 AM


Excellent work... my friend...

regards
sudhir

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

10 posted 2003-11-07 11:54 AM


The smell of alone
Suited my skin

Loved this entire piece but this line...
absolutely loved it, after all what matters most is that we like the skin we are in....

very well done.  As Kari said...please...
keep teaching....

Greeneyes
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind
11 posted 2003-11-07 12:34 PM


so very well done, and yet so sad....good to see you posting hon....

Lauren~

i carry your heart with me
i am never without it
you are what a moon has always meant sky of sky
the wonder that keeps stars apart-
e.e.cummings

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
12 posted 2003-11-07 12:34 PM


loved this! the last lines were the kicker
Kaoru
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since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow
13 posted 2003-11-07 01:41 PM


Wow ...I'm reminded of so many other writers when I read you..

Not to say you haven't a style of your own, you do..

And I love it

Magnus
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Member Laureate
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA
14 posted 2003-11-07 01:58 PM


Superbly done,  Mr Smooth....Saturday night
in Vegas...with a few too many and...

Well,  you know....


serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

15 posted 2003-11-07 02:07 PM


You lay down bare bones here Cap.

Truly you are storyteller extraordinaire.


Mistletoe Angel
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since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
16 posted 2003-11-07 02:11 PM






(big hugggssssssss) Oh Ron, this is so very deep and provocative storytelling, sweet friend, the lime just ain't the flavor of the city there, it is more like the salt! (sigh) God Bless You, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Ron, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sun set and I perceive

***Live***

ranidae_poet
Member
since 2003-11-05
Posts 66
Texas,USA
17 posted 2003-11-07 02:11 PM


the imagery here drips off the page....fantastic write!

There are only three beings worth of respect; the priest, the solider and the poet; To know, To Kill  and to create.

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
18 posted 2003-11-07 02:14 PM


Ron...So that's where you've been.  You capture the scene and the players, and it as if I am really there.  Well done!
suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
19 posted 2003-11-07 03:19 PM


I felt my own skin begin to singe
As mind began in tumble of cacti juice
To think perhaps I too
Could buy a moments forgetful
Only to realize

The smell of alone
Suited my skin

Just excellent. *S* More, please? *S*

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

20 posted 2003-11-07 03:50 PM


Wow Ron, what a story you weave..magnificent!... thanks for taking me there.

Keeping this.

fate is not just
whose cooking  smells good
but which way the wind blows

(Ani DiFranco)


Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622
Ala bam a
21 posted 2003-11-07 04:13 PM


The smell of alone suited your skin?...Hell Hair, that's better than the after shave ya wear.."Catch of the Day".....How are ya my friend?....Your stories are a pain in the ass cuz ya gotta wait for part two...it's like the Zorro movies they showed at the movies before the feature......
mytuesdaywishes
Member
since 2003-09-05
Posts 254
a voice from the musicbox
22 posted 2003-11-07 05:30 PM


hmm, the smell of alone suits your skin....i like that, very clever

joy has its own justice. and dreams are languid and lawless. and everything bows to beauty, when it's fierce and when it's flawless...

Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

23 posted 2003-11-08 12:45 PM


"Pressed flesh of hand on more
Before they found a way to the elevator
And commerce again showed
Supply side economics
Was valid

I felt my own skin begin to singe
As mind began in tumble of cacti juice
To think perhaps I too
Could buy a moments forgetful
Only to realize

The smell of alone
Suited my skin"

Ya know, if it took tequila and Vegas to get you to write like this again, then I think it was worth it.  Of course, I didn't have to endure the hangover.  

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