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Open Poetry #29
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Sunshine
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Listening to every heart

0 posted 2003-11-06 06:25 AM





There it was, one lone thread,
dangling, like a participle,
awaiting a gentle hand
by man or woman, reader, or poet,
to place it back where it belonged,

but when I reached with my eyes,
startled by it’s unconditional warmth,
I jerked slightly, and the pull began to unravel
what was there,

and I watched as it came undone,
pooling at my feet
in angles and curves, capitals and
lower case,
words scattering beneath my gaze,
commas gone awry, ellipses scattering
like bb’s, rolling across a soundless floor.

Just one thread,
a lone poem, awaiting a review,
and me, taken up by it’s treasure of words,
its sounds and assonance ringing clear,
alliteration in lights and song,
when the cursing came across before I could reply,
the critic having harbored his discontent
on the poet’s shore,
not finding the pearls scattered beneath his feet.

Just one thread.

Gone.


© Copyright 2003 Karilea Rilling Jungel - All Rights Reserved
LeeJ
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since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

1 posted 2003-11-06 06:49 AM


awesome write filled with many good thoughts for the reader...awareness and allowance, filled with patience, understanding...this one is a keeper...lovely write
Gentle Spirit
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since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

2 posted 2003-11-06 08:35 AM


and I watched as it came undone,
pooling at my feet
in angles and curves, capitals and
lower case,
words scattering beneath my gaze,
commas gone awry, ellipses scattering
like bb’s, rolling across a soundless floor.

mmmmm...fantastic writing and wonderful images!

Greeneyes
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In Your Poetic Mind
3 posted 2003-11-06 08:55 AM


WOW Karilea~
this is stunning poetry......heart hugssssss.....
Lauren~

i carry your heart with me
i am never without it
you are what a moon has always meant sky of sky
the wonder that keeps stars apart-
e.e.cummings

EvocativeVerse2
Senior Member
since 2003-09-10
Posts 1279

4 posted 2003-11-06 09:00 AM


Stunning, beautiful, wow! I think that about sums it up. This is an amazing piece Sunshine. I am totally jealous! (Wink!) Well done.

Remember, if you're not part of the future, you're history!

kayjay
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since 2002-06-24
Posts 2015
Oregon
5 posted 2003-11-06 09:26 AM


I feel that it is always important to have confidence in your own voice.  I think that I need to write much more.  I ponder what I may write about.  I take away an awe at your art/skill.  Well done!!  KJ

Through rubble and trouble and dark of night
The yawn of a dawn will hasten the light

Enchantress
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since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
6 posted 2003-11-06 09:29 AM


Wonderful imagery here Karilea!
See?  This is what I mean...teach me?
I love this...and I'm keepinng it!
Hugs YOU!~

Ericc
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since 2003-01-31
Posts 4178

7 posted 2003-11-06 09:38 AM


Beautiful!!

Eric

Marty Baird
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since 2003-09-20
Posts 90
Georgia, U.S.
8 posted 2003-11-06 09:43 AM


A Poem worth reading filled with a depth of meanings Thanks
midgetday3
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since 2003-11-06
Posts 11
Kentucky
9 posted 2003-11-06 09:43 AM


Wow...This work is so beautiful!!
Ratleader
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10 posted 2003-11-06 09:59 AM


This is sad in a way that only a poet can feel, only a poet could express, and only another poet understand. I do hope it changes soon, before another treasure is lost.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

vandana
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11 posted 2003-11-06 10:33 AM


nice
garysgirl
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12 posted 2003-11-06 10:42 AM


Just one thread,
a lone poem, awaiting a review,
and me, taken up by it’s treasure of words,
its sounds and assonance ringing clear,
alliteration in lights and song,
when the cursing came across before I could reply,
the critic having harbored his discontent
on the poet’s shore,
not finding the pearls scattered beneath his feet.

Just one thread.

Gone.


Karilea, I may have gotten something completely different in what you are meaning here, but it seemed very sad to me. Your poems make me think, and I like that.
Hugs  
Ethel


catalinamoon
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The Shores of Alone
13 posted 2003-11-06 10:53 AM


This feels sad to me too, but oh so well done.
Hugs
Sandra

Martie
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since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
14 posted 2003-11-06 12:12 PM


Karilea

I bow to your ability. There is so much weight in this to hold, fragile yet strong.

Susan Caldwell
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since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
15 posted 2003-11-06 12:53 PM


I came back to this because I felt bad.  I read this earlier and was so amazed that I couldn't think of anything to say that would do it justice...so just know, I was here and I was moved.

"if you won't let me fall for you
then you won't see the best that I would love to do for you"
~Dido~

Kaoru
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where the wild flowers grow
16 posted 2003-11-06 12:55 PM


...what poetry CAN be...
jellybeans
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Posts 2298

17 posted 2003-11-06 02:51 PM


just when I think you couldn't write a better poem I read your next and its better than the one before....this is excellent...and I gotta say, it gives me peace of mind to know that you are there to guard our 'threads', one of mine was almost 'gone' once, but you found the ill content before I replied and did your good deed. I am grateful for you on these boards Sunshiney lady
Janet Marie
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since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

18 posted 2003-11-06 07:49 PM


There it was, one lone thread,
dangling, like a participle,
=============================

but when I reached with my eyes,
startled by it’s unconditional warmth,
I jerked slightly, and the pull began to unravel
what was there,

====================
in angles and curves, capitals and
lower case,
words scattering beneath my gaze,
commas gone awry, ellipses scattering
like bb’s, rolling across a soundless floor.
======================
and me, taken up by it’s treasure of words,
its sounds and assonance ringing clear,
alliteration in lights and song,

=======================
the critic having harbored his discontent
on the poet’s shore,
not finding the pearls scattered beneath his feet.


===============================
Can a tardy moth say she told ya so now?

Just look at the response to this...
I am moth giddy

I got tingles when I read it...I knew it was a very special write...and as you see I am in FINE company on that thought.

Kari...this is an exceptional moment of inspire.. I adore poetry about poetry/poets
and the connection we feel to the words...
you have captured that and taken it to a higher place with the superb imagery and personifis that dance divinely with the expressions and the excellent extended metaphor and theme.


on the poet’s shore,

and ya know I love that line.

VERY VERY cool poem poetess of the Sun...
Put a bookmark on this one...
its a must for the next pips book.

Words break into splinters on the pages I write
If I lost you I don't know what I'd do ...
Burn forever where the flame turns blue

David Gray

SEA
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with you
19 posted 2003-11-06 07:56 PM


one of these days, I am gonna do it like this
Magnus
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20 posted 2003-11-06 08:01 PM


Girl,  this is awesome.....(stopping to
pick up a few ellipse particles)....

Simply WOW!  I love it,  love it all.  Very
well done...

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
21 posted 2003-11-06 08:37 PM


Karilea:

oh I do know this too well indeed,
your metaphors are astounding!

ellipses scattering
like bb’s, rolling across a soundless floor.

and

on the poet’s shore,
not finding the pearls scattered beneath his feet.


Amazing writing, Lady
xxoo

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

22 posted 2003-11-06 08:48 PM


A very sad yet amazing write Karilea. I have to agree with JM, definitely for the next book.

M

Sunshine
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Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
23 posted 2003-11-07 01:07 PM


Would you believe, I hesitated to post this?

Gads, I love poets.  Thank you all for helping to keep me humble.  Your comments are pearls, themselves, and I'm stringing my threads with them...thank you.

[This message has been edited by Sunshine (11-07-2003 01:07 PM).]

suthern
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24 posted 2003-11-07 02:51 PM


words scattering beneath my gaze,
commas gone awry, ellipses scattering
like bb’s, rolling across a soundless floor.

Don't you be losing those ellipses, ya hear? *G* Some of us are awfully fond of them! *G*

This is excellent, lady... the loss is felt... so is the sense of helpless unraveling.

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