»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #29
»
I Can Feel Your Heart Beating
| Open Poetry #29 |
|
I Can Feel Your Heart Beating |
|
|
exhale Senior Member
since 2003-06-13
Posts 646Alberta,Canada 
|
pouring rain stains on your face stop crying it's not your fault stop crying i'm not strong enough for the both of us i never was stop crying i can feel your heart beating is it beating for me? stop crying this never existed it was never real you were pretending i was pretending why do i have to be the villian it's not fair i can feel your heart beating is it beating for me? |
||
| © Copyright 2003 Chelsea - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Cold_Eternity Junior Member
since 2003-11-06
Posts 15Canda |
Im new as well here, I think your poem holds great meaning to you and what you have done is given us a strong look into that which drives you. If you want a suggestion I would recommend two things. 1) Focus your work, I recommend you create a metaphor for the topic you write on and then use that metaphor to create the imagery you are trying to convey. 2) Im bad for this as well but it does help keep defining ideas separate with punctuation. Other than that I feel your poetry has great potential and I hope you continue to post. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
