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Open Poetry #29
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She Comes a Little Closer
| Open Poetry #29 |
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She Comes a Little Closer |
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rambling_words Junior Member
since 2003-10-29
Posts 44London, Ontario, Canada |
I woke up in the shadows of the sun it was nearly noon on the west coast of America I listened to the blue Pacific for some sound of life instead I found an emptying house friends falling like cards in a game of pick up aces and jokers dueces and jacks She comes a little closer to the surface of the memory she comes a little closer to the reality of the dream I walked around in the sun of the afternoon it was nearly three on the east coast of Canada I whispered to the blue Atlantic trying to reach Europe instead I found an emptying ocean fishes dying like pawns in a game of one up salmon and tuna bass and perch She comes a little closer to the shore of the water she comes a little closer to the sand of the castle I relaxed in the colours of the dying sun it was nearly nine on the streets of Mexico I talked to the blue eyes trying to teach english instead I found an emptying soul hearts breaking like glasses in a game of last one standing kings and queens beggars and jesters She comes a little closer to the pen of the writer she comes a little closer to the meaning of the matter I slept under the stars of the desert it was late in the land of the midnight sun I prayed to the blue sky hoping to reach the moon instead I found an emptying galaxy satellites spinning like clocks in a life of passing time friends and lovers birth and death She comes a little closer to the beginning of the ending she comes a little closer to the answers of the questions. |
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| © Copyright 2003 John Raeside - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
Holy Crap!! This was fantastic!! I love your style! Susan "if you won't let me fall for you |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
Forgot to put in the library!  "if you won't let me fall for you |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Damn!! ...this is amazing!! A keeper for my library. Hugs~ ~Time has cast a spell on you, |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Beautiful pacing -- Like a question/answer theme in a piece of music, the to-and-fro delivery held me right down the line. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
LOL @ Susan. Is that anything like "Holy Poetic Pie Batman"!!!! "She comes a little closer to the surface of the memory she comes a little closer to the reality of the dream I walked around in the sun of the afternoon it was nearly three on the east coast of Canada I whispered to the blue Atlantic trying to reach Europe instead I found an emptying ocean fishes dying like pawns in a game of one up salmon and tuna bass and perch" A friend sent me a link to this, I'll have to remember to thank her. Nice to read you John. Enjoyed the style and the content. My attention span even held out for the length, so it must've been good.  |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
John, I must say you tell a beautiful tale I am working on writing narratively you do this beautifully xxoo |
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garysgirl 
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
I slept under the stars of the desert it was late in the land of the midnight sun I prayed to the blue sky hoping to reach the moon instead I found an emptying galaxy satellites spinning like clocks in a life of passing time friends and lovers birth and death John, I've never slept under the stars of the desert, but plenty of times on the beach. I love the magical feel of this. Thanks for sharing it with us. It's beautiful.  Hugs  Ethel |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
A magical trip of a poem...much enjoyed! |
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SharaRose Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2501Somewhere out there~ |
When all the distractions clear..memorable things,,things that left their mark, still have a soft whisper in your soul. This was so beautiful. It's one of those things that fascinate, and have you spellbound. Like a storyteller. Loved this. Just lovely!!!!!  Love, Terri~  |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
"I slept under the stars of the desert it was late in the land of the midnight sun I prayed to the blue sky hoping to reach the moon instead I found an emptying galaxy satellites spinning like clocks in a life of passing time friends and lovers birth and death She comes a little closer to the beginning of the ending she comes a little closer to the answers of the questions" I liked this part best, but all in all, I was really blown away, I liked this very much! |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
everyone already said what I thought to say this could make a great song! |
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