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Canis Lupus
| Open Poetry #29 |
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Canis Lupus |
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EvocativeVerse2 Senior Member
since 2003-09-10
Posts 1279
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Canis Lupus The wind murmured quietly through the trees, And its vaporous tidings seemed taunting. A blathering brook shimmered by degrees, With a reflection some might call haunting. A cricket chirruped and then another, In a short time the disquiet drowned all. Silhouettes deepened one on the other, And I gave ear to the night dweller’s squall. Those who would ramble in those small hours, Had assuredly come into their-own. O’ yea necessity oft devours, Our rational alarm of the unknown. With tentative steps and delicate sniffs, They pushed forward for need did direct it; Each was relying on inherent gifts, Ere to their chosen course they would commit. The shrubbery rustled and the leaves parted, And a big stout male deer thrust out its’ head, I felt the pitter patter of my heart, Though there is little I needed to dread. To the cooling waters that stag had come, So that it might sedate its' growing thirst, And I, oh yes I, was struck dumb and numb, It seemed like my freewill had been coerced. Discreetly he neared that, for which he’d searched, And I stared on a silent observer, And if tears touched mine eyes well the heart lurched, For the moment just filled me with fervor. Long and hard the big buck pulled from that stream, And I think that he found chilling relief, Yet our moment of absorption seemed dream, Moreover it didn’t reveal the thief. ********** Teeth bared, hackles raised, the shadow streaked forth, My quiet scream leapt away to the North. For a moment there is only stillness, Yea it seemed my world had swallowed illness. ‘Twas an eternity I held my breath, As the twilight realm acknowledged the death. The buck’s dead or was that really a man? Did not the wolf shoot a gun fore it ran? Remember, if you're not part of the future, you're history! |
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| © Copyright 2003 Kevin R. Middleton - All Rights Reserved | |||
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
Kevin, I notice you have "the truth" in your critique message...I can't say what the truth is about anything in life anymore or about the poems you write, but I can offer an opinion, if you would care to hear it. Personally, when I click on you, I am overwhelmed. I want to read you...and sometimes even need to read you, but it's hard for me. I am college educated, though I've forgotten most of what I learned, but I don't consider myself dull or dense. I've tried to figure out what it is about your writing that makes me feel that way. When looking at this poem, I need breaks...we all need breathing room. It might help it you would consider putting a line break or between the verses, after each fourth line. When it's all together like that, it seems a bit overwhelming (for me) and I get frustrated and have to start over when I get middle way through, or I just don't even attempt to conquer it because it looks like too much work. Just a thought...not a criticism...I do not judge or critique because it is not my place. Just a suggestion I offer you. [This message has been edited by passing shadows (10-28-2003 01:09 PM).] |
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Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
quote: You know I loved the vivid imagery in this poem and especially since it is hunting season here in Canada, and our deer and moose vanish, and many a hunting accident happens due to stupidity. I have always understood the need for nature to do what it has to do, but when man turns into the hunter, and often becomes the hunted makes me truly wonder about society these days. See, this made me think and it was an excellent piece by the way. You could take this poem several ways, and that is good poetry. Try to make time to listen to |
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EvocativeVerse2 Senior Member
since 2003-09-10
Posts 1279 |
Hi PassingShadows...thank you for the suggestion. Yes I do agree with you this poem does need breaks in it. Sorry about that. I had been playing with it for 3 hours this morning and I am still not really happy with it myself. This is a very old poem in truth...one that I wrote almost 10 years ago...and I have been reworking it this morning. I do take your advice to heart...and I think I will edit it a little more before it goes into my Collected Works manuscript. Mysteria...Mmm glad you liked the piece. It is pheasant hunting season here. Can't drive 10 miles at the moment without seeing hunters out in the fields. I am glad you precieved this poem can be taken several ways. That was truly the intent. Was it a big buck that died? Was it a man? Did this happen in the forests? Perhaps it was a shooting in the heart of the city. To be honest it is about a man getting shot in the city. The whole deer thing is just how the warped mind of the observer preceived the incident to deal with what had been witnessed. But it is also meant to make people wonder if that is indeed what they are reading! Well done! Thanks for the comments. Remember, if you're not part of the future, you're history! |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
You are a writer with amazing talent. I always know when I click on your name I am in for a wonderful read.. once again, with this write, I was not disappointed. YOU do amaze me!! ~Smiles & Hugs~ ~Time has cast a spell on you, |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
EvocativeVerse2 I can't top what has been said. But I enjoyed the read. |
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froggy Senior Member
since 2003-06-23
Posts 1893Michigan |
I loved it. Hugs ;-) |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I enjoyed the imagery very much. You had me there, on my haunches, sitting quietly, in rapt joy of the moment. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Now! I read the comments. Ah well. To me, that is what I saw - the big buck. Thank you again! |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
The imagery in this is breathtaking. I LOVE good imagery in a poem.  I am becoming a fan of your work. I just wish I was around more to read. Jenn I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
EV2...Wonderful imagery...took me in, and then you tripped me up at the end with the meaning. Well done! |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Your poetry is a trip in a half! You don't spoon feed the reader. You make us think! ~ and I especially enjoy how you capture nature's essence and share it with us through your graphic imagery and emotive writing!  Peace, Love, & Light, EA |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
Dear EV2 (much easier to write than all those letters-i'd hate to trip over them! Hope the abbreviation is ok--well at least it's better than EZ2!) There, with all that said, I enjoyed your write. Each time I read one of your poems, I find them different. I think this is one of my favorite of yours (but I'm sure I have read very few compared what you've written). I'm glad you're considering placing a few more breaks in it. Good idea for readers like me. Oh, yes--in what J.R.R. Tolkien book can one find the poem about oding to the bath? Sadelite |
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EvocativeVerse2 Senior Member
since 2003-09-10
Posts 1279 |
Hi all...man I am surprised this poem is still kicking around. Earth Angel...thank you for the kind words. Always a joy to hear from you. Sadelite. Yes this poem did need more breaks. I did edit it but I will not bother reposting it in here. You can find the Tolkien poem about bathing in the book The Fellowship of the Ring. The hobbits sing it aloud just before Frodo makes his dramatic flight from the Shire. He moves to a house in Buckland which happens to border next to the wood. He arrives there for a nights rest after him and Sam have had a heck of a time getting cross country. The hobbits have a bath before feasting on a dinner of mushrooms and that is when the song gets sung. It is a cute little poem...and it does remind me of your piece. Hope you can find it! Remember, if you're not part of the future, you're history! |
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Magicmystery Senior Member
since 2002-02-13
Posts 821Windsor, Ontario, Canada |
Well... that's what happens .... incredible writes like this are spotted and dragged to the front of the pack for another go around... I really enjoyed the visual as well as the audio you painted with your words. I could hear the stream.. the rustling of leaves... smell the moist green. But your ending caught me off guard... Was it a wolf who sprang out of need.... or a man that shot .... was it a buck lapping at that stream..... or a man.... (rubbing my eyes) was it all a dream? Enjoyed this! Sherry |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
EV2, Thanks for the info. I've been meaning to get back to Tolkien. Thanks. Sadelite |
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