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EvocativeVerse2
Senior Member

since 2003-09-10

Posts 1279

0 posted 2003-10-24 12:49 PM

I Cherish Her Love!

Her witticisms are as burnished as
her skin and her laugh as temperate as
her roomette. Ne'er to be ushered to the
altar said I, for tenderness wanes like
a sunset o'er the breakers. Heretofore
coupled so painstakingly as to be
indiscernible from one another.
However till the one is thoroughly
overwhelmed the misimpression endures.
Her amicable caress is merely
wavelets upon the brine, the ripples of
stones skipped o'er a pool as if my doing,
and yet the meaning is irrelevant,
her elegance is insignificant.
I initially thought her sullen and
humdrum, with the raillery of a child,
however now I see the psyche, the
astuteness, the very quintessence that
makes her what she is. To braid my essence
to hers, not to her countenance or charm;
but to the very crux of whom she is...
Aye that would be love! Forever conjoined
even unto death. I know of Derrick,
Charles and Hamlet but she's not Catherine,
Diana nor Ophelia. Nay she
is my cherub, my all, my other self.
Shakespeare - be damned...for I cherish her love!

Remember, if you're not part of the future, you're history!

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

1 posted 2003-10-24 01:10 PM

"I know of Derrick,
Charles and Hamlet but she's not Catherine,
Diana nor Ophelia. Nay she
is my cherub, my all, my other self.
Shakespeare - be damned...for I cherish her love!"

============================================
OH WOW!!!!!
Lucky lucky lady to have you write this for her!!
Oh my...this is wonderful...amazing..
AND...I love it!!!!! It's a keeper!
~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~

~Autumn, the year's last, loveliest smile~

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

2 posted 2003-10-24 01:21 PM

Shakespeare, move over!

EA

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

3 posted 2003-10-24 01:47 PM

Hmm...

Your style is incomplete, it seems to me. You're using an old kind of language and for some reason, you have enjambment, which looks a bit messy considering the complete lack of meter. I tried to read this to some kind of meter but it just wouldn't work. You're writing in a style which, I believe, demands some metric composition in order to be whole.

Otherwise, considering the nature of your subject matter, this isn't so badly done... a bit overblown in places but then again, aren't we all...

Parasite

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

[This message has been edited by Local Parasite (10-24-2003 01:48 PM).]

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

4 posted 2003-10-24 01:52 PM

Evocative,
The write was interesting and I enjoyed the read.

EvocativeVerse2
Senior Member

since 2003-09-10

Posts 1279

5 posted 2003-10-24 02:41 PM

Thank-you everyone for reading this little poem.

Enchantress - Always a pleasure to hear from you.

Earth Angel - Thank-you that was very sweet.

Local Parasite - Mmm! I have a problem with your response. First what is meant by the word enjambment? I tried looking it up...and even though I own 4 dictionaries the word is not listed in any of them. Secondly - I do not understand how you can say the piece is written without meter. Every single line is written in Iambic Pentameter. If you count them you will find 10 beats in every line. Thirdly I know there is no rhyme scheme to the lines...but this was penned in Blank Verse. It seemed far more fitting than trying to force these lines into a sonnet. I really do appreciate the honesty with which you gave your critique...but I need clarification on what it is you are trying to say. I do thank-you though...from one former Canadian to another.

Seymour - I am honoured you took the time to read my ill verse. I think of you as a master. Thank you for stopping by.

Remember, if you're not part of the future, you're history!

froggy
Senior Member

since 2003-06-23

Posts 1893
Michigan

6 posted 2003-10-24 03:12 PM

Ahhhh Shakespeare

Your words so sweet and beautifully written as usual.
I love it.

;-)

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

7 posted 2003-10-24 03:38 PM

I enjoyed the story within and the content,
a good write, and I thank you for your comments
on my poetry...

Thanx

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

8 posted 2003-10-24 03:40 PM

More please? this is truly outstanding,
and that is the TRUTH

Sadelite
Member Elite

since 2003-10-11

Posts 2519

9 posted 2003-10-24 04:00 PM

braid my essence... nice picture.
Satelite

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

10 posted 2003-10-24 04:09 PM

quote:
Enjambment is when a linguistic unit (phrase or sentence) in poetry runs over the line break. Enjambment is the opposite of end stopping, where each linguistic unit corresponds with the line length.

For example these lines from T.S. Eliot's poem "Gerontion" are heavily enjambed:

"After such knowledge, what forgiveness? Think now
History has many cunning passages, contrived corridors
And issues, deceives with whispering ambitions"

Meaning flows from line to line, and the reader's eye is pulled forward. Enjambment moves the poem forward, it accelerates. Compare the enjambed Eliot with these lines, from Alexander Pope's "An Essay on Criticism," which are completely end stopped:

"Nature to all things fix'd the Limits fit,
And wisely curb'd proud Man's pretending Wit:"

Each line is formally correspondent with a unit of thought - in this case, a clause of a sentence.

Source: www.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enjambment

Enjoyed, Sir. It's always a welcome site to see a Critique window open, and ready.

[This message has been edited by Sunshine (10-24-2003 04:11 PM).]

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

11 posted 2003-10-25 12:11 PM

Nice...James

EvocativeVerse2
Senior Member

since 2003-09-10

Posts 1279

12 posted 2003-10-25 06:45 AM

Thank-you everyone very very much for the comments.,,and a special thank-you to you Sunshine for explaining the meaning of the word for me. Mmm...yes I can see how the run on of thought from one line to the next could bother some. It was meant to be that way though in my head so I guess it stays as is. Maybe I will write a second version of this same thought in a more formal style. That is really easy enough to do. Thanks! I get it now!

Remember, if you're not part of the future, you're history!

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

13 posted 2003-10-25 02:25 PM

Talk about a lesson in poetic forms! I enjoyed the write, and really appreciated the critiques and explanations provided by LP and our Sunshine. THANKS to the knowledgeable Pipsters who really do gift precious time to read and reply.
An enjoyable write, Kevin.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

14 posted 2003-10-25 02:36 PM

I have to admit...it's a little over my head. This write makes me feel like I would be able to grip it if I were still back in a in college literature class...

not a bad thing...just kinda hard for me (I will omit the 'blonde' comment)

[This message has been edited by passing shadows (10-25-2003 02:38 PM).]

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

15 posted 2003-10-25 06:50 PM

(smiles) Oh Kevin, this is beautiful, sweet friend, personally I love this just the way it is, for this is a revisit to classical romance, but you're just telling that Shakespeare to move over so your modernized love graces these words, yay! (big hugggssssss) God Bless You, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Kevin, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sun set and I perceive

***Live***

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