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Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

0 posted 2003-10-14 09:12 AM

We are free
                          To chose here
While in places and times
                            Others are not

………………………………………………
Last night in earnest the exodus found its final begin
As jealous the rain and cruel the wind
Faded from glory leaf was broken from stem

Some in their flight were thrown to my screen
And for a brief moment I heard begging scream
“Can you not touch us kind sir, and color us green?”

All but an instant that captive in flight
Left them to be driven far into the night
To land on my own window ledge
Eventually driven from there to the sedge

Now in the daylight the damage is done
There is no more homeland for those who have run
To field and ditch that holds them in sun

Tell me I ask as I pass them by
Do your fine colors make it easier to fly
Or are they just dressing for the day that you die?

I placed my pride and arrogance aside
Knowing that there are humans who too take this ride
And end in the wastelands of countries we know
At the end of their lives with nothing to show
…………………………………………………
Save us the sorrow
                                                And grant dignity
To even the fall
                                               Of scattered leaves

[This message has been edited by Cpat Hair (10-14-2003 09:26 AM).]

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2003-10-14 09:14 AM

Tell me I ask as I pass them by
Do your fine colors make it easier to fly
Or are they dressing for the day that you die?

~*~

Now this led me to various thoughts...
humanity has, in many cultures, always
dressed the deceased in regalia...

no, it does not surprise me that
nature does any less...

A

, this one...

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

2 posted 2003-10-14 09:24 AM

"I placed my pride and arrogance aside
Knowing that there are humans who too take this ride
And end in the wastelands of countries we know
At the end of their lives with nothing to show"

How very true sir..
you made me realize how much like humans they are.
And, Captain your rhyme is as beautiful as your free verse.
Wonderful keeper for my library.
~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~

~Autumn, the year's last, loveliest smile~

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

3 posted 2003-10-14 09:29 AM

Cpat
Good message and very clear.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

4 posted 2003-10-14 10:56 AM

Tell me I ask as I pass them by
Do your fine colors make it easier to fly
Or are they just dressing for the day that you die?
============================

you know Im giddy right?
LOVING THE RHYME!!!!!!
but MORE SO loving the intensity and depth of this writes passionate personifi and allegory analogy...
(Bri-babes taught the moth a new word.

heh

Such an awesome poetic employ of symbolism and imagery.
Once again I say...fall is such a giving muse for you and I am so enjoying the change of season via your pen.

every time I talk to you its over too soon
every day feels incomplete till you walk into the room
just say the words, I'll jump that moon.

D.Gray

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

5 posted 2003-10-14 11:03 AM

Wow, Ron!!! This touched me with it's beauty and it's deep reflective quality...and amazingly lovey rhyme.

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

6 posted 2003-10-14 11:15 AM

Amazing you are, Ron, my friend... and glad I am to have read this...

Regards
Sudhir

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

7 posted 2003-10-14 11:29 AM

OH wow, how I love fall, thunderstorms and the dancing of leaves in autumn wind....you took the colors of the wind, and painted the canvas....wonderful!

Lauren~

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

8 posted 2003-10-14 12:15 PM

thanks to you all... for the nice words and taking time to read... rhyme and attempts at meter do not seem to sit well with my psyche..lol.. but once in a while I bite the bullet and attempt to do what others here do far better than I...

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

9 posted 2003-10-14 12:20 PM

Excellent metaphor, the rhyming is perfect and not forced

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

10 posted 2003-10-14 01:00 PM

"Now in the daylight the damage is done
There is no more homeland for those who have run
To field and ditch that holds them in sun"

Impressive communication of the horror, sorrow and death associated with a situation where someone feels they have to get out.

Very well done Ron...I think you are ready to teach the class now...

Susan

SharaRose
Member Elite

since 2003-07-19

Posts 2501
Somewhere out there~

11 posted 2003-10-14 01:25 PM

My favorite time of year just took on new life. Nice.
Love,
Terri~

EvocativeVerse2
Senior Member

since 2003-09-10

Posts 1279

12 posted 2003-10-14 02:32 PM

Okay...that is the very best thing I have read today...and you better darn well know it! Loved IT!

Remember, if you're not part of the future, you're history!

jellybeans
Member Elite

since 2000-10-13

Posts 2298

13 posted 2003-10-14 02:39 PM

well, biting the bullet suits you well...this is beautiful......“Can you not touch us kind sir, and color us green?” .....just absolutely love that line...*smile* really excellent work

[This message has been edited by jellybeans (10-14-2003 02:40 PM).]

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