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inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-19

Posts 7392
Ohio

0 posted 2003-10-11 09:54 PM

The puddles lay dormant,
hungover with the heavens
the rain congregates on stonefaced pavements
becoming mirrors of bathing birds.
Life resonates off grey concrete,
the tickling winds, the singing suns
Sunday morning revival.
Joggers stretch their shadows,
leaves roam free as teenage hearts
and October tiptoes by the door
with the grace of a fawn.
And in the colored cornucopia
your pretty smile again,
emerging in a wet painting
winking at me in the golden haze,
famiiar as forever
your love tattooed in permanence.
You know
don't you?
how my heart will never run empty of you.

[This message has been edited by inkedgoddess (10-11-2003 09:57 PM).]

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

1 posted 2003-10-11 09:58 PM

The concrete aspect of this poem strikes me the most... I love that about haiku, and other such image poetry, its ability to evoke an image and leave it up to the reader to react. You did October much justice in these lines:

quote:
and October tiptoes by the door
with the grace of a fawn.

Beautiful... reminds me of Keats' "To Autumn." Your image of the departing season also works nicely with the later portion of the poem, in which you clarify its meaning... I think you might consider leaving that out for the sake of obscurity, or toning it down a little, if your aim is for this poem to be emotionally effective. There's a certain danger in over-personalizing poetry.

Either way, I enjoy this. Thank you for sharing---

Parasite

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

2 posted 2003-10-11 10:01 PM

Geez Michele, every single line in this
grabbed me and held me close.

You are just too good!!!
Love ya girlie gal~

QjQ
Member Elite

since 2003-04-18

Posts 3756
U.S.A.

3 posted 2003-10-11 10:54 PM

words penned so well expresses this terrific,,

pandonov
Member

since 2003-10-03

Posts 478
b/w conscience and insolence

4 posted 2003-10-11 11:40 PM

i like the imagery

James_A_Fraser
Senior Member

since 2003-09-03

Posts 972
Out Making Anticlines

5 posted 2003-10-12 12:43 PM

Isn't it good to be able to say such things, bring them right out into the light? And you do it so beautifully.

~~J

Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

6 posted 2003-10-12 12:49 PM

Amazing...

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

7 posted 2003-10-12 10:11 AM

"You know
don't you?
how my heart will never run empty of you."

Those lines penetrated...

Susan

"if you won't let me fall for you
then you won't see the best that I would love to do for you"
~Dido~

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

8 posted 2003-10-12 10:20 AM

nice read

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