Coyote Kill (Caution! not for the squeemish)

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ice
Member Elite

since 2003-05-17

Posts 3404
Pennsylvania

0 posted 2003-08-09 04:55 PM

Coyote Kill   (Jan. 2001)
*
Parts of doe
On frozen water laid,
Mostly legs
And skin 'longside
An empty socket face....
One that wholly lost
Life's final passion play.
*
Mixed with resin essence,
Sounds of dread
From starving hounds
On hot blood scent....
The dark does not white-out
The  sense
Of sanguine heat;
(First curtain raised)
The bitches vision,
Infrared.
*
The pine woods broke, she flies
Short-gain ahead of primal song,
And vaults the pond rim
Lands, and splays....
An opened scissors
Ballerina
That has fallen on the stage;
A refuge, soft
In summer days, but now
The metal surface breaks
Her cloven grip....
The first act plainly shows
In shallow snow
What frenzy here,
In tragic drama, played.
*
Shortened up,
(The distance) by her fall
The coyotes catapult the bank
Where now a great array
Of hide, and sinew shows
Among broke-splintered bones
That lay
Like scattered props,
A bier display....
Of gore and bloody-litter on the snow.
*
Somehow
Again, it's ground, it gained
But from the wings
Deaths prompter holds
The "kill" card high....
The curtain falls
A panting rest, and then
All actors are recalled....
Part two;
They take the stage.
*
The players know, what lines remain
(The frozen playbill tells the plot)
That now, the doe
Will blow out bleats of pain
Through drools of red foam snot...
But the director,
Deafs the starvers
From her begs and plaintive screams.
*
A single track,to the scene,is mine
That shows
No audience was here
To come, at curtain fall, to feet
Nor hear (as dropped the drape)
The sound of coup de grace;
The sudden pop!
A scull cap lifts....
And fangs torment the brain.
*
end

Ankaria
Junior Member

since 2003-07-26

Posts 35
Sask. Canada

1 posted 2003-08-09 05:16 PM

You have good ideas, it just feels like you may have tried a little too hard. Try toning down the language and make it raw and crude just like the killing. Other than that I think you have a great talent keep it up! I'll be reading

.

Ankaria
"Is all we see or seem, but a dream within a dream?"
-Edgar Allen Poe

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

2 posted 2003-08-09 07:21 PM

ice

Visuals and language in this are suberb, I think...although the subject is hard to read, it is part of the way things are. I commend you poetic ability.

froggy
Senior Member

since 2003-06-23

Posts 1893
Michigan

3 posted 2003-08-15 01:49 AM

Hi Ice,
I just finished checking your poems
all out.
Great job on all of them.

Your friend,
Froggy

RunningWolf
Junior Member

since 2003-09-14

Posts 24
Michigan USA

4 posted 2003-09-19 07:03 PM

this poem is rather graphic yet it seems innocent enough. since it is describing a likely natural thing theres no reason for a person to deny reality.
since i have no coffee in me system please dont mind the confusing comments. its been awhile since ive even submitted anything new but i have no idea whats worth typing and what isnt.
hope to see more dealing with nature and her ways of maintaining population.

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