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Open Poetry #28
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Sweat City
| Open Poetry #28 |
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Sweat City |
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KoKo Senior Member
since 2003-02-15
Posts 995Inside the shadow's shadow |
and Still, the city sweats Seems like never-ending condensation Springs from eyes to walls. And still the city sweats. Water drips from windows Of lonely cat women And bitter old men. It drips from windows Where children cry Inside a bubble That never pops. And still The city sweats. Down the pipes Through the cracks Into the walls Within the air The city walls They sweat. I tell this to an old lady Being saturated in it, leaning against a perspiring wall She informed me, bewildered, astonished: The city does not sweat, child! She merely mourns. Only mourns... I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man. |
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| © Copyright 2003 Lauren - All Rights Reserved | |||
Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow |
AMAZing! I'm saving it. |
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KoKo Senior Member
since 2003-02-15
Posts 995Inside the shadow's shadow |
Whoa. Wow. THANKS! lol, wasn't expecting that at all...Thank you  I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man. |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Enjoyed...James |
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garysgirl 
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
She informed me, bewildered, astonished: The city does not sweat, child! She merely mourns. Only mourns Koko, I really like this...and that ending is great!!  Hugs  Ethel [This message has been edited by garysgirl (09-18-2003 05:39 AM).] |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
A very creative and mature write, Dear KoKo! This is a most definite  !!!!!!!!!!!For what it may be worth to you, I am VERY impressed with your writing!!! You are exceptionally talented. Yessiree! It's a EA  |
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Pilgrimage Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945Texas, USA |
Oh my Oh my. I could feel the choking humidity and see the dripping sweat, and then the last lines were a bombshell! Great! Nan (Pilgrim variety) |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
KoKo - I didn't expect the ending, nice write... BC |
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KoKo Senior Member
since 2003-02-15
Posts 995Inside the shadow's shadow |
Thank you as always James Ethel: I'm glad you think so!! I wasn't sure about the end...It didn't sound like it really had closure to me. I'm glad you liked it |
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KoKo Senior Member
since 2003-02-15
Posts 995Inside the shadow's shadow |
EA, do you know how absolutely wonderful you are???  Thank you. Your replies are always so heart-warming. I appreciate them SO much. Thank you |
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KoKo Senior Member
since 2003-02-15
Posts 995Inside the shadow's shadow |
Nan, Thank you!!!! It's always a major goal for me to get people to FEEL or SEE or HEAR parts in my poetry. It's something I've never been very good at, but I am working at it. I am so so so glad you liked this. And thank YOU, also, for saying the last lines were great! |
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KoKo Senior Member
since 2003-02-15
Posts 995Inside the shadow's shadow |
BC: Thank you!...It's always nice to get a read from you |
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