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Open Poetry #28
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LOSS
| Open Poetry #28 |
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LOSS |
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MERCURY Member
since 2003-04-16
Posts 190Ireland |
I could not bring myself through it, That singular moment outweighed any diversions. The changing of the seasons held no esteem with me. No matter what I did, My mind replayed the event over, And over. The gnawing of hindsight ate away at me. I stood alone. Like a kids first day off school, All I wanted now was an embrace, Someone to say it will be ok. What if I had switched venue? What if I had acknowledged popular Saturday instead of evil Friday? What if I had wore different socks? My mind veered in differing tangents. Grasping for controlled and honest reason. Succumbing to my last tear, My eyes began to see again. Loss is immeasurable. |
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| © Copyright 2003 MERCURY - All Rights Reserved | |||
Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow |
Indeed, it is.. And what a great bundle of thought. |
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Craw Member
since 2003-09-11
Posts 73Scotland |
Obviously full of feeling, and there were some parts that were clever and particularly engaging- for instance the section ending 'what if I'd worn different socks?' I find that the constant use of words like 'changing....gnawing..succumbing.. grasping..' grate a little, and that there is some awkward use of language like 'the changing seasons held no esteem for me' Likewise the final line is a bit weak. I know loss is immeasurable, but you've been trying to measure it. It's a powerful piece, though. |
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