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Open Poetry #28
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dani
Junior Member
since 2003-05-10
Posts 46


0 posted 2003-09-10 12:16 PM



you fill my days
my waking moments filled with longing
you own me
my breath, the blood that runs through my veins
you control me
killing my head with thoughts of your touch
you took me
willingly into your grasp i strayed
you cut me
deep inside pain is still infatuating my soul
you created
a heart beat that'll drum forever



© Copyright 2003 i am me and only - All Rights Reserved
Sunnyone
Member Ascendant
since 2000-07-06
Posts 5334
Staffordshire, England
1 posted 2003-09-10 03:46 PM


oh I have felt all these things, and have wanted to write them, which you did wonderfully!  I especially appreciated the last two lines...you could expand on the created heartbeat, as it's a marvelous phrase!  ~S~

Accept these small gifts from my gypsy heart  ~~S~~

dani
Junior Member
since 2003-05-10
Posts 46

2 posted 2003-09-11 11:57 AM


thanks i'll have a go at a second draft
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