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mysticpoe
Senior Member

since 2003-02-28

Posts 883

0 posted 2003-08-28 11:17 PM

with the thought that I was trying to convey, the write got a bit rhymy. Sorry I couldn't stop. I know it sounds corny. The thought is still there?

Incense flavored with thought
for the cost
forced and censored
their Words so crossed

when under our leaf
they subtly cry hind
subscribing blinders
and waiting for time

so empty and bold
they feed from our need
like feelings and seeds
they plant us like weeds

they collar our time
they know our kind
casting those molds
catching our souls

their warmth so cold
for this life, we hold
they shovel our thunder
so we lose, the wonder

so carry your passage
you brought this year
sounding their message
they want you to hear.

If nothing is something
then everything is
our thoughts and feelings
and all that exists.

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

1 posted 2003-08-29 12:51 PM

poe - I think you carry the message beautifully:

so empty and bold
they feed from our need
like feelings and seeds
they plant us like weeds

perfect stanza
xxoo

mysticpoe
Senior Member

since 2003-02-28

Posts 883

2 posted 2003-08-29 08:25 AM

Thanks littlewing. Your being kind. I wasn't sure about too much rhyme. You are good to me. Thanks again for stopping by. The best.

mysticpoe

If nothing is something
then everything is
our thoughts and feelings
and all that exists.

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

3 posted 2003-08-30 12:39 PM

This is't corny at all, it flows beautifully,
and I enjoyed reading every word of it.

Nicely done poe~

mysticpoe
Senior Member

since 2003-02-28

Posts 883

4 posted 2003-08-30 12:42 PM

Thank you BluesSerenade, Thank you very much.

mysticpoe

If nothing is something
then everything is
our thoughts and feelings
and all that exists.

Gavin
Junior Member

since 2003-06-22

Posts 47

5 posted 2003-08-30 12:44 PM

i liked the ending to this one mystic, hey check out this new site i found its everypoet.org, and there they hate whatever you write, its just endless critiquing, and i love it, and i'm sure you'll really like it unless you've already been there anyways its me chris- from rateapoet if you forgot, and i did really like this poem, but also you have to check out the everypoet.org, i got 70 views in like 16 hours, its amazing and the people there offer extensive and real feedback they sound like english proffesors, anyways hope to see you there as well, bye

mysticpoe
Senior Member

since 2003-02-28

Posts 883

6 posted 2003-08-30 01:08 PM

Gavin, this is one of my best responses yet. Thanks I'll check it out.

mysticpoe

If nothing is something
then everything is
our thoughts and feelings
and all that exists.

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