Autumn's Short Surrender - pipTalk Forums

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rh287
New Member

since 2003-08-04

Posts 7

0 posted 2003-08-04 02:14 PM

With autumn’s shed entangled throughout her long blonde strands,
Marsha entertains in adorable fantasy.

Might some future travail possibly forge her ghostly friends more precious?
Perhaps brief respite in moments of illusive and faint memory?

Despite this autumn, so quick to yield upon winter’s fury,
Will leave sweet Marsha to wither in adulthood’s cold realities.

[This message has been edited by rh287 (08-04-2003 05:34 PM).]

Match
Member

since 2002-07-01

Posts 286
Canada Edmonton

1 posted 2003-08-04 02:29 PM

Hello, Welcome here.
I enjoyed this poem, very vivid. Keep posting
-ash

I wear my crown of thorns
on my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair

rh287
New Member

since 2003-08-04

Posts 7

2 posted 2003-08-04 02:32 PM

Thanks, this is the first time I have ventured out w/ one of my "poems".

Ringo

Member Elite

since 2003-02-20

Posts 3684
Saluting with misty eyes

3 posted 2003-08-04 03:44 PM

Damn!!!!
I wish I could have written this!!!!!!!!!!
Welcome to Passions. I KNOW we are going to enjoy your stay with us. I hope you will enjoy it as much.

We are all equal but we’re individually different
and able to reach the impossible if we try.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

4 posted 2003-08-04 05:16 PM

Welcome to Passions, rh! I have a feeling you're going to enjoy it in our neck of the woods. Get comfortable, sit back, read, comment, enjoy - and share some more poetry when you're ready!

And, please check your E-mail for a Special Greeting!

Karilea - if I whisper, will you listen?

scuffedshoe2
Junior Member

since 2003-08-04

Posts 39

5 posted 2003-08-04 05:18 PM

I like it, it's cool.

-ian

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

6 posted 2003-08-27 01:49 AM

(big hugggssssssss) I really never like using the word adult either, sweet friend, isn't the purpose of life to acknowledge the child in your heart and live and appreciate the beauty of life rather than have to change on and on? I send angel hugs your way, sweet friend, God Bless You! Welcome to Passions, sweet friend, may you be inspired by all of us here as we will all be inspired by your lovely words! I can't wait to read more of your wonderful poetry, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sun set and I perceive

***Live***

rh287
New Member

since 2003-08-04

Posts 7

7 posted 2003-08-27 09:50 AM

Thanks for the crit.
Here is a revised version. Any better? Thanks.

Autumn’s Short Surrender

With autumn’s shed entangled throughout her long blonde strands,
Marsha entertains in adorable fantasy.

Might some future travail possibly forge her ghostly friends more precious?
Perhaps brief respite in rare moments of illusive and faint memory?

Once this autumn; so quick to yield to winter’s wrath;
Abandon’s sweet Marsha to wither life’s cold realities.

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