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Open Poetry #28

In Hopes Of A Response

Tequilia_Sunrise
Senior Member

since 2003-02-19

Posts 612
Lochalsh, Ontario, Canada

0 posted 2003-08-25 09:39 PM

In the destiny of our hearts,
In the depths of our souls.

In the spirit of our name,
In which our love beholds.

Love is a trace in a pattern unknown,
Love is also a mission in which has grown.

A mission to find happiness and to find something in eachother,
Is the best thing we can do to have faith in one another.

Kiss me once, Kiss me again,
Kiss me one more time and we might of created a sin.

Nothing we can do can change the past experiences of our relationships and
our hearts to mend,
Giving trust, friendship, respect, honesty, faith, and love are the only
messages I can send!!!

icebox
Member Elite

since 2003-05-03

Posts 4383
in the shadows

1 posted 2003-08-25 09:43 PM

This has a simple purity of spirit which is very touching. Thank you for sharing it.

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

2 posted 2003-08-25 09:49 PM

Tequila a little critique? I always feel mean critiquing and despite the fact people ask for them rarely does anybody get them. so here goes. I like you're work and i think you can really be great if you tighten up your poetry a little. By tightening I mean watch lines that may seem redundant or say what you mean in more concise lines. Look up wranx 1slicklady and Dark Angel for conscise free verse and Local Parasite and Child of the Stars for metered.

Tequilia_Sunrise
Senior Member

since 2003-02-19

Posts 612
Lochalsh, Ontario, Canada

3 posted 2004-07-05 02:40 AM

thankx everyone for your lovely comments

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