The Horse (re-post) - pipTalk Forums

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Tequilia_Sunrise
Senior Member

since 2003-02-19

Posts 612
Lochalsh, Ontario, Canada

0 posted 2003-08-18 12:37 PM

Its graceful trot seems to have its very own beat,
For you need balance and motion to keep this seat.
For how graceful, wonderful, and even how beautiful they are.
As they run through that green grassy open field,
They seem to glow like a shining star.
As the wind rushes through their tail and mane
This horse looks no longer tame,
For it is not mean
For its grace and beauty which you have probably already seen.
There is no way to describe this feeling.
It is your heart that this horse is stealing!

[This message has been edited by Tequilia_Sunrise (08-18-2003 12:37 PM).]

Minister Joe
Member

since 2003-02-22

Posts 78
TX, USA

1 posted 2003-08-18 12:59 PM

Amanda,

I'm especially fond of the last line:

It is your heart that this horse is stealing!

Being a horseowner myself--I know exactly what you mean. You may want to consider showing us one moment, even running through the grassy field... it's almost too broad. Try importing some sensory imagery into your work. The feel of the horse underneathe you, the muscles, the smell of grass and dirt being trod up as you are riding... the sound of the hooves, and try to focus those things like light through a magnifying lens into one particular moment or memory, of riding.

You'll find by incorporating the concrete details of experience, that your poetry is even more effective, and rich.

Thank you for this,

--Matt

Tequilia_Sunrise
Senior Member

since 2003-02-19

Posts 612
Lochalsh, Ontario, Canada

2 posted 2003-08-18 01:04 PM

Thank you matt, This is one experince in my life where i have a hard time expanding, its unexplainable? but i will work on this

THANK-YOU

Tequilia

Minister Joe
Member

since 2003-02-22

Posts 78
TX, USA

3 posted 2003-08-18 01:12 PM

You're welcome!

I understand what you're saying--sometimes, moments and memories are so intense, that's it's very hard to break them down.

I'll look forward to see where you go with this.

Give what you can.
MinisterJoe.com - Where Writers Work

Tequilia_Sunrise
Senior Member

since 2003-02-19

Posts 612
Lochalsh, Ontario, Canada

4 posted 2004-07-05 02:44 AM

thankx everyone for your lovely comments

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