Sonday Drive with my baby ..Part 2

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inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-19

Posts 7392
Ohio

0 posted 2003-08-17 12:16 PM

Dear tree,

how you stand there
twisted sister,
appear to mimic my own dilemma,

one of withering , one of rootrot,
there but vacant,
futile, faceless,
tethered, graceless,

it is long since winter wore you barren,
and summer's finale shall sing to autumn

and still undressed ,
you 've barely a coathanger,

yet you've stood, with shoulders touching
as those of elegance, gather round you,

have you pain or joy or even numbness,
care you that you crumble in looseleaf paper,
or connect the cable lines
and house the bird droppings,

or do you fool us,
and me the dreamweaver,
beliveing you're shamed by this,
or at least embarassed,

or do you reap now buddha's nirvana,
in the silence of such quiet,

is your shell now truly hollow,
or mere folly for your envied enlightment?

***************************************************

Debating with my brainiac son about whether or not trees have feeling.
Yes, another Sunday drive, practicing driving with
the son, with me as his copilot. Soon, he gets his license and the mother/son banter and revelations about eachother will come to a sad end.
By the end of the drive, he begged me to please stop talking..........who could blame him?

[This message has been edited by inkedgoddess (08-18-2003 06:27 AM).]

Minister Joe
Member

since 2003-02-22

Posts 78
TX, USA

1 posted 2003-08-17 01:28 PM

Michele, I'd like to point out the following section,

"care you that you crumble in loose-leaf paper,
or connect the cable lines
and house the bird droppings"

This is some great concrete imagery.  Instantly I'm reminded of a birch tree and the way the bark peels off... and can definitely see the relation of tree to the house and the occupants from within--it's probably in a position to be looked at from a kitchen or living room window--when one would notice such things as the cable lines, and the birds... etc.

I know that you were debating whether or not trees have feelings, and I would say from your work--that it is the human who imprints such things, most likely out of their own current experiences.  When one is in a spot of change, we look for permanence.  Examining nature is one way to find that permanence--certainly familiarity (as with the tree) is a type of comfort.

As I said you do have some sterling concrete imagery here.  "Coat hanger" is another word that instantly makes me see how the trees branches splay out.  I would stay away from abstract words as "numbness, pain, and joy".  When you have such detailed and personal imagery within a poem, words such as those--ones whose scope is so big as to not have weight or meaning to your poem... do tend to detract more than add.

I would come up with some really rich and chewy ways to describe pain, joy, and numbness.  I can see that you definitely have that capability, as the images you presented of the tree--at least for me--are still sitting on the tip of my brain, bringing back my own backyard / tree memories.

Thank you for this,

--Matt

p.s.  good luck with your son!  Mine’s still young yet so I still have a few years.

Give what you have.

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

2 posted 2003-08-17 02:39 PM

another glimpse through the eyes of a l@ving mother..always adore reading these mish..and btw they do feel

Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

3 posted 2003-08-17 03:14 PM

Indeed, they do..

Wonderful write.

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

4 posted 2003-08-17 05:55 PM

Michele . . . ahahah this did make me smile
and what I have to look forward to . . .
Good for you!
and yes tell him trees do feeeeeeel . . .
I loved this even though I know
somewhat what that is like, my nephew is going away to college again and seems very much like your son
(he is like my son, will miss him much too)
xxoo

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-19

Posts 7392
Ohio

5 posted 2003-08-17 09:42 PM

thank you jo jo, for that very detailed response and perhaps i will work on it, check back tomorrow.....really nice of you to go into such detail, i am guilty of a much abbreviated response to others.thanks

raffi.....yes thanks for seeing this, and yes they must feel i believe....cant belive it, the kid actually braked for a squirrel..
was so proud of him

karou..........thought you'd know this too

yes, sue, i am already missing him already, thanks for seeing this.......

bklynboy
Senior Member

since 2002-12-15

Posts 660
florida

6 posted 2003-08-19 07:20 PM

Well done Michele. Kids do grow up too fast dont they. Driving lessons,,,,,,horrible memories. But this too will pass. Keep up the good work and you'll get the vibe.

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