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Open Poetry #27
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Company of thieves (revised)
| Open Poetry #27 |
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Company of thieves (revised) |
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ecrivan Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923my own state 
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It isn't just through the door of a museum from the rafters of an abandoned mausoleum in the company of men who pick the locks attached to ones who tap the ground then check their clocks eager for something to be found. time of the village clocks has stopped and the carousel clockwork's on halt as the key thief picks the attractive lock in arms with another who makes a livelihood and grew up quickly in a hindered childhood taps the ground incessantly listens for echos from a shallow grave prepares to dig like an obedient knave... right through to the door of the museum right through the cache of a bony mausoleum you keep the company of thieves around the clock conditioned to work for those that gather flocks towards the erection of yet another monument pretending to apply another firmament that eventually fall to the ground again accumulate silt attract new diggers attract new guilt. [This message has been edited by ecrivan (06-22-2003 11:45 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Martin Dansky - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
You captured the predatory tone perfectly here, the first verse, with metaphoric tunneling foreshadowed nicely to your point. Second stanza has that "hush" quality of secret--nice follow up to the first. Your final stanza came back to the original thought and expanded it to include whatever the reader would like to fill in the blank. VERY nicely done, Martin. I applaud.  |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
you're a master of commentaries, always look forward to you words and points of view |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
yes Martin, have to agree with Karen and Raph here...wonderfully done! |
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ecrivan Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923my own state |
Hi Serenity, pleased that you like the foreshowing and the greater point at the of the point  Raph, there are always commentaries to be made..thanks for sharing Passing Shadows glad you enjoyed [This message has been edited by ecrivan (06-23-2003 06:37 AM).] |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
I agree with Serenity! ARCTIC WIND |
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