Open Poetry #27 |
(((( Pains)))) |
secretlife Member
since 2002-07-30
Posts 359Grean Earth ,,, |
Through that door I got my joys For a while it returns to a deep pains Hard memories can’t forget Broken hearts wouldn’t cure Bodies trembled from fears The souls seeking for their twins Pains from the love we had Wouldn’t believe it’s hard Or it’s painful Wishing to be better and hug whom we love At once the dreams destroyed and the wishes disappeared Too many pains deep inside It can’t count or hide The tears can only introduce And the sadness of our smiles can be shown Pains Secretlife You Are My End Secret Life... Be Sure That I Can Be always With You... Through The Distances... Through Life Troubles... Me And You Is One... [This message has been edited by secretlife (06-20-2003 08:48 AM).] |
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Forgotenandgone Member
since 2003-05-07
Posts 52NC |
Good poem i liked it... _______________________________________ |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
wow! liked this...a lot |
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ecrivan Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923my own state |
You might like to avoid the 'and' especially when thoughts are naturally understood to follow one another and 'hide' is with an e at the end...otherwise you're organized and clear. |
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secretlife Member
since 2002-07-30
Posts 359Grean Earth ,,, |
Forgotenandgone I am glad to know that you like my poem.. Thanks |
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secretlife Member
since 2002-07-30
Posts 359Grean Earth ,,, |
passing shadows As always you are here in my page...Thanks alot for reading my words and i am glad that u liked it alot.. Hugssss |
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secretlife Member
since 2002-07-30
Posts 359Grean Earth ,,, |
ecrivan Thanks a lot for your correction... I added these comments... I am glad for that... Hugsssssss |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
Enjoyed the Write! ARCTIC WIND |
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