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Jason Lyle
Senior Member

since 2003-02-07

Posts 1438
With my darkling

0 posted 2003-06-18 06:13 PM

"You are drunk again"
[edit]
"can we talk?"
we are talking
"how can I help?"
you are helping

"I just need to know you will change"
I am changing
"what can I do?"
you have done it
"how?"
you loved me, so I change

you haven't noticed, its been slow
You focused on one change at a time
I felt them all at once
"I felt them at the same time"
I know

"I feel like I am the only one trying"
you feel wrong
"why are you so cold"
why are you?
"I love you"
and I never stopped

"will it be like it was?"
I would have left, if I did not believe that
so would you by now
"I have to pick up the girls"
I will work on change while
you are gone

Door slams
another shot slams
punishment I asked for

[This message has been edited by Nan (06-18-2003 07:19 PM).]

Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

1 posted 2003-06-18 07:02 PM

Hmm.. This is a little depressing, but in a good way.

Good read.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

2 posted 2003-06-18 07:06 PM

"I will work on change
while you are gone"

This one line has so many layers, there's sarcasm but also truth, and an undercurrent of fear that maybe that may be just what it takes? (sorry, just me analyzing ME again...)

Not exactly a kodak moment, Jason, but a biting bit of a snapshot nevertheless. (I happen to have a similar one in MY photo album too.

)

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

3 posted 2003-06-18 10:54 PM

Grim and honest..my favourite kind of write..peace

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

4 posted 2003-06-18 11:14 PM

Jason:

mannn really insightful write here
the part about your punishment though
is a double edged sword . . .

this is really just . . .
God it hurts Jason

awesome writing again
xxoo

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

5 posted 2003-06-19 02:37 AM

sigh...painful write

Jason Lyle
Senior Member

since 2003-02-07

Posts 1438
With my darkling

6 posted 2003-06-19 05:12 AM

Thanks Nan, I know better than that.

Jason

Jason Lyle
Senior Member

since 2003-02-07

Posts 1438
With my darkling

7 posted 2003-06-19 03:20 PM

Thanks for the comments friends, not really a poem, I know.But more and more I find myself dumping my life here.Thanks for the time you take in enduring it with me.

Jason

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

8 posted 2003-06-19 03:55 PM

lol dumping your life . . .
Jason - have you read my stuff lately?
we all do - thats why we are here . . .
xxoo

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

9 posted 2003-06-19 05:52 PM

I was changing for someone...because I realized I had been a fool...but my time ran out before I could change for her...so I changed for myself...James

NickTofteland
Member

since 2003-06-13

Posts 74
MN, USA

10 posted 2003-06-19 05:55 PM

The only time a person should change is for their own personal will to change. No person, no matter how much you love them, should demand a change in you. As cliche' as it is... the people that love you, never wish you to change. However, I rather enjoyed this write.

Psalms 20:7 "Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God."

Gina Culliney
Member

since 2003-03-08

Posts 170

11 posted 2003-06-19 09:22 PM

Razor edge and cutting. Raw and intense.
Packs a good emotional punch to the gut.
Well done.

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

12 posted 2008-02-24 05:43 PM

Very sad write!

ARCTIC WIND

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