Envy - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

topsyturveychick
Member

since 2003-01-19

Posts 57
Bris,QLD,Aus

0 posted 2003-06-17 09:07 PM

I envy those that can cry,
For they are able to show emotion.
I envy those that can laugh at themselves,
For they will never cease to be amused.
I envy those that have beauty,
For they gain poularity in our world.
I envy those that have character,
For you are working hard at yours and theirs comes naturally.
I envy those that have confidence
For they have an advantage above others, in everything they do.
I envy those that have opportunities and take them,
For they gain skill and ability.
I envy those with success,
For with success comes admiration and lifestyle.
I envy those with wisdom,
For wisdom is the greatest gift.
I envy those that are smart,
For they will always succeed in the path they choose.
I envy those that are happy with how they look,
For they are comfortable with who they are.
I envy those that are tall,
For they will never know the feeling of being looked down on.
I envy children,
For they are completly oblivious to the worlds surroundings.
I envy those that can sing,
For they will always be the voice that comforts those that are hurt.
However, why should I envy these people,
When these are they people that I should look up to?

I asked God how much he loved me...
He said this much...
And streched out his arms and Died.

**Sunshine**

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

1 posted 2003-06-17 09:12 PM

(big hugggssssssssss) This is a wonderful heartfelt debut, dearest friend, and please believe me when I say this.....wisdom is overrated! Plain simple! Wisdom is truly not the greatest gift around, beauty is, and you have beauty in your golden heart, and beauty is what helps us appreciate the many blessings around! We have every right to be envious, for that and jealousy is two completely different things and I think we'd be lying if we said we never envied anything, so let your heart envy as we too envy your wonderful understanding heart! Welcome to Passions, sweet Ashlynn, may you be inspired by all of us here as we will all be inspired by all your lovely words! I can't wait to read more of your lovely words, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Ashlynn, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

Underneath your clothes, there's an endless story

***Shakira***

[This message has been edited by Mistletoe Angel (06-17-2003 09:12 PM).]

topsyturveychick
Member

since 2003-01-19

Posts 57
Bris,QLD,Aus

2 posted 2003-06-17 10:46 PM

Hey all, Plz give me some critiques on my poem. I read heaps of poems but I only just started writting my own. Passions really inspired me and I'd liek to know what you all think. Sorry about any spelling mistakes...I've failed english since yr 6 and I'm in yr 11 now. Lets hope I pass. Anything would be great. Thanks Guyz.

I asked God how much he loved me...
He said this much...
And streched out his arms and Died.

**Sunshine**

visitvenus
Member

since 2002-12-30

Posts 101
PA, USA

3 posted 2003-06-17 11:17 PM

Spelling is overrated, that's what spell check is for!

I envy those who can see the good traits in everyone and can write it about them so elequently (I reiterate my spelling point now -- unless I got that one right!)

I'm betting you have a lot of these qualities and there are those who look up to you for them, you just need to see them in yourself too!

I really liked this....

-Venus

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

4 posted 2003-06-17 11:20 PM

Welcome to Passions!!! Awesome introduction poem.

I know what it is like to envy things.

Cold hands means a warm heart

topsyturveychick
Member

since 2003-01-19

Posts 57
Bris,QLD,Aus

5 posted 2003-06-17 11:21 PM

Hey Venus,
Thanks heaps for that. I think alot of the things that I wrote about went particulary (:S) about me. I think (I was more looking for a poem that alot of ppl can relate to, rather than just something that was one sided. Thanks for writting to me.

I asked God how much he loved me...
He said this much...
And streched out his arms and Died.

**Sunshine**

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

6 posted 2003-06-17 11:27 PM

Ashlynn:

Welcome to PIP!
nice entrance

I think your looking up to the
wrong people lol
look within yourself
that is where all the answers lie

but this:

I envy children,
For they are completly oblivious to the worlds surroundings

I can relate to . . .

All you need to do is write it down
go over it - read it to yourself
and feel for the flow of the poem.
Sometimes long is good
sometimes short is needed . . .
it all takes reading,
watching, listening and
writing . . .

This is insightful
keep it up
it gets easier
trust me

Please check your email for a special greeting from everyone at PIP!
xxoo

[This message has been edited by littlewing (06-17-2003 11:29 PM).]

topsyturveychick
Member

since 2003-01-19

Posts 57
Bris,QLD,Aus

7 posted 2003-06-17 11:34 PM

Hey Littlewig...I've read ur poetry and thanks for posting for mine. It means heaps. Like I said before I was trying to aim for something that everyone could relate to. But I do think that some of those things I can also relate to...daa otherwise I wouldn't have written the poem lol. Thanks heaps everyone that's critiqued my poem. You guys ROCK!!!!

I asked God how much he loved me...
He said this much...
And streched out his arms and Died.

**Sunshine**

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

8 posted 2003-06-17 11:42 PM

ttchick,
You have some good little nuggets in this an excellent write. Please be aware that for the poems you would like analyzed there is a forum called Critical Analysis#2.

You have presented an excellent entrance to PiPs. I hope you love it here half as much as I have. We're a great family. Look around there are some fun forums here. Welcome and I'll look for some more of your stuff.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

1slick_lady
Member Ascendant

since 2000-12-22

Posts 6088
standing on a shadow's lace

9 posted 2003-06-17 11:54 PM

welcome to...our passion...h

Foxyoasis
Senior Member

since 2003-06-10

Posts 974
Atlantic Beach,Fla

10 posted 2003-06-18 12:12 PM

very nice

Fool me once shame on you.....Fool me twice shame on me.....

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

11 posted 2003-06-18 12:24 PM

One kind of folks you don't have to envy -- poets who express themselves with eloquence and beauty.....don't have to envy them at all. Some of them may envy you.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

topsyturveychick
Member

since 2003-01-19

Posts 57
Bris,QLD,Aus

12 posted 2003-06-18 12:27 PM

Hey Rat...thanks...I've been reading some of ur critiques and I'm honourd that u'd even read my peom. Thanks heaps.

I asked God how much he loved me...
He said this much...
And streched out his arms and Died.

**Sunshine**

exhale
Senior Member

since 2003-06-13

Posts 646
Alberta,Canada

13 posted 2003-06-18 12:27 PM

sweet poem,hmmmm i'm tall..hmmm i dont think i've never been looked down on...hmmmm..

topsyturveychick
Member

since 2003-01-19

Posts 57
Bris,QLD,Aus

14 posted 2003-06-18 12:32 PM

lol exhale...now u can see my point. Thanks for posting and I hope u enjoyed my poem.

I asked God how much he loved me...
He said this much...
And streched out his arms and Died.

**Sunshine**

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

15 posted 2003-06-18 04:26 AM

good write, I like it!

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

16 posted 2003-06-18 07:00 AM

Hey Topsy...while some folks think spelling is overrated, I'll have to admit that the majority of the world doesn't think so.  Certainly, any worthy employer wouldn't...misspelled words can be a disaster is any business.

As for poetry, when the spelling is correct [and thank goodness for spell check, but investing in a good dictionary, a Thesaurus, and the like, doesn't hurt either, for when the electricity is kaput, and we need to work by candlelight...it happens!!!] as I was saying, when the spelling is correct, the reader isn't mentally dislodged from the flow of the poet's thoughts.

One of our poets above had a fine idea - Littlewing said to read your poetry aloud, listen to how it will sound to our eyes and ears.  Good advice.

Welcome to Passions!  I'm looking forward to reading more of your poetry.

Karilea - if I whisper, will you listen?

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

17 posted 2003-06-18 01:38 PM

You have definitely found people worthy of emulating. *S* I enjoyed this very much... welcome to Passions! *S*

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

18 posted 2003-06-18 01:57 PM

Enjoyed your first post!!

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

19 posted 2003-06-18 02:05 PM

I understand where you are coming from; however, if I had been the author, I may have used the word "Admire" instead of the word "Envy".

The qualities that you refer to are things that we should all aspire to!

You are very observant and that is a very fine quality for a poet to have!

Happy writing!

Warm welcoming hugs,
Earth Angel

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

20 posted 2003-06-18 07:15 PM

welcome to passions

enjoyed it a lot

topsyturveychick
Member

since 2003-01-19

Posts 57
Bris,QLD,Aus

21 posted 2003-06-18 07:29 PM

WOW!!!! Thanks guys so much for posting what you thought about my poem...I really enjoy reading what other ppl think about my poetry. Thankyou for the comments and I'll be sure to use most of them when I'm wrtting new poetry. Have a great day and don't forget to smile

I asked God how much he loved me...
He said this much...
And streched out his arms and Died.

**Sunshine**

Broken
Member

since 2000-03-12

Posts 271
The woods

22 posted 2003-06-18 07:34 PM

Warm welcomes to you. And what a powerful first post, I'm considering putting you into my library already, but I have to read more, hint hint...

Yours truly
~Broken~

Such griefs with such men well agree,
But wherefore, wherefore fall on me ?
To be beloved is all I need,
And whom I love, I love indeed.

S.T.C

JilGirl
Member

since 2003-05-24

Posts 364
Washington

23 posted 2003-06-18 07:40 PM

Great write!

I agree with Earth Angel, I'd
replace "envy" with "admire."

You might also try using "who" rather than "that" when describing people.

eg: I admire those who. . .

Blessings!
Shirl

Till oceans cease to flow and deserts lose their sands, may beauty surround you every day and wealth be in your hands.

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

24 posted 2008-02-23 10:56 AM

I really Like your first post!

ARCTIC WIND

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.