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Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

0 posted 2003-06-17 08:11 PM

Ages of aches, not knowing
if being number one...really was.
Struggling to win, to earn the gold
of admiration, the sweet taste
of pride running shallow beneath
tender skin.

Those aches resided in this shell of me,
a sign outside blinking “No Vacancies”
as the blinds of my room’s eyes were
drawn shut against the glare of my
own stare.

Staring back, always turning as I turned,
blinking as I blinked...the same faces,
expressions, same unspoken thoughts
of meaningless words that echoed
within the cavernous reaches of a
mind filled with silence..

Each laboring step or grasp, the slippery
slope of aspire taunting me to go for it..
Gold...there on that pedestal, hauntingly
still...

Hard being him....the number one son.
Living in the swirl of dwindling self
esteem and wavering confidence....

Until....that hand rested upon my
shoulder...though 40 years and
a thousand aches later....when
he said he was proud....because
I finished the job....crossed the
finish line....

Number One....

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

1 posted 2003-06-17 08:14 PM

*s very very nice Barry.
I've never been number one...and probably never will.
Darn it...brought tears to my eyes...for you and for me.
M

[This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (06-17-2003 08:15 PM).]

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

2 posted 2003-06-17 08:16 PM

Oh M. you are Number one in my book... You
shine very brightly....rest, knowing that.

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

3 posted 2003-06-17 08:23 PM

(sigh) This is beautifully touching, sweet friend, and even if you hadn't won the race, you'd still be #1 to many of us as you are a wonderful loving spirit! (big hugggssssssss) God Bless You, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Barry, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you

Love,
Noah Eaton

Underneath your clothes, there's an endless story

***Shakira***

Patricia
Member Elite

since 2003-04-06

Posts 2160
Missouri

4 posted 2003-06-17 08:26 PM

Oh Barry, you really got me with this one. Would it be too, too, I don't know the word (words are not coming today in any coherent sense for me) so I will just say this...I know, Barry...I know. I wanted acknowledgment and never received it, and I have struggled. But I want you to know that I respect your work, Barry, and then means I respect you, too. (for what it is worth) And I am proud of you...OK, that is the mom in me talking. But I think of a little boy who needs to be told that. Now here I go again.

Better stop the mother hen now.
LOL

Very touching piece, Barry.

Patricia

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

5 posted 2003-06-17 08:26 PM

Not easy for the eldest daughter, either. I could relate so well to this. Only children, I believe, have no one to be compared to, other than, perhaps, their parents' friends' children. Then, of course, there IS no comparison.

I do understand this, so very well, Magnus. Even after they are gone...you're still grooved into that rut of proving yourself.

But you, Sir, deserve to stand up OUT of that rut, and feel the Sun on your shoulders...because you HAVE deserved it.

QjQ
Member Elite

since 2003-04-18

Posts 3756
U.S.A.

6 posted 2003-06-17 11:40 PM

terrific write,,,,

A voice of honesty
   is treasured
more than voices
   of flattery
      QjQ

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

7 posted 2003-06-18 06:16 PM

Interestingly enough, I was having a conversation today about the first child born in any family, and the need to set an example, be the strong one. I often wonder if their needs are met in the same way as their younger siblings. I can't put my finger on it, but the thought unsettles me for some reason. This verse of yours helps to make sense of my feelings.

Each laboring step or grasp, the slippery
slope of aspire taunting me to go for it..
Gold...there on that pedestal, hauntingly still...

Barry~ You are such a gifted poet,
I mean that sincerely!!!

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

8 posted 2003-06-18 06:44 PM

Barry....Touchingly real and true for many.