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mirror man
Senior Member

since 2001-01-08

Posts 814

0 posted 2003-06-17 05:27 PM

        In electric seeming light
        is seen a blankness, a time,
        when
        curves create belief
        and leaving is attended.

        Her flame far off,
        he edges to a universe
        denied origin, within
        music, wings, rain, sight.
        He said,

        On this day
        a cloud is formed, slow ribbon
        descending out of foolish wishes
        never to be.  And on this edge
        a shade reflects the dance,
        a formless laugh
        to wash it all away.

        More than love, rhythm,
        wave, soliloquy,
        I find the beast,
        and separate the fantasy.
        She sees the haze
        now swept to gray,
        an unnamed guest to stare.

        And by this song, he said,
        I am and am and am alone,
        no heart or star or flame or stone
        but only real
        somewhere.

Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

1 posted 2003-06-17 05:35 PM

Oooh, this is cool. Nice write

Laqe
Member

since 2003-06-15

Posts 72
Michigan, US

2 posted 2003-06-17 05:44 PM

Very nice! *Applause* I enjoyed reading this piece.

.Echo.

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-19

Posts 7392
Ohio

3 posted 2003-06-17 06:56 PM

I find the beast,
and separate the fantasy.

yes mirrorone, until the beast is found, there is nothing real

Kahlil
Senior Member

since 2003-04-12

Posts 1881

4 posted 2003-06-18 09:25 AM

MM: I sense your feelings of hopelessness...sadness. How beautifully you write it... ~K~

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

5 posted 2003-06-18 10:08 AM

mirror man:

this is absolutely beautiful
in itself
xxoo

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

6 posted 2003-06-18 11:02 AM

mirror man

And by this song, he said,
        I am and am and am alone,
        no heart or star or flame or stone
        but only real
        somewhere.

Well done!

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

7 posted 2003-06-18 01:01 PM

On this day
        a cloud is formed, slow ribbon
        descending out of foolish wishes
        never to be.  And on this edge
        a shade reflects the dance,
        a formless laugh
        to wash it all away.

The shrill sound of thunder clapping is
unnerving at best.  Mirrorman, this is really
powerful and so beautiful.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

8 posted 2003-06-18 01:19 PM

the rain is getting to me, good write

mirror man
Senior Member

since 2001-01-08

Posts 814

9 posted 2003-06-18 09:53 PM

Kaoru --  thank you very much.

Laqe -- and likewise.  I appreciate the time it takes to read through and reply.

inkedgoddess -- yes, I hadn't thought of that, but it's true.  Sometimes I think it's more to do with Darwin than Freud.

Kahlil -- yes.

littlewing -- thank you very much.

Thank you, Martie.  This is such a downer, I'm not feeling like that now.

Bluesy!

passing shadows -- it was raining here too. Real rain. Thank you.

[This message has been edited by mirror man (06-18-2003 10:52 PM).]

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

10 posted 2008-02-23 11:04 AM

Wonderfully Penned!

ARCTIC WIND

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