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x8x_bigmike
Member

since 2003-07-08

Posts 130
California, USA

0 posted 2003-08-01 12:05 PM

took some time too think..put on some frank and this is what came out

Heat
an ex lover revisited
(eloping now)

a kiss that calls the breeze,
to lick piano keys,
cueing a moment's orchestra

to fill our ears with the comfortable
cool of a familiar song.

Sweat defined in the dialiectic.
The hole of the hurricane
between
muggy regret,
and hot hate.

(eloped)
I have been up for 36 hours, and my life isnt
egg shells and cup cakes. La Puente gets ruff
and hot in the summers, and nostalgia
seems to sing me to sleep. For now I will settle
for being a leaf crushed
by the wheels of cars as they pass by.

I find myself picked by my own
hand. Sweltering in the LA Sun.

angelblueyes
Member Elite

since 2003-07-19

Posts 2148
Oklahoma

1 posted 2003-08-01 12:07 PM

All I can say is WOW!!!!!

angelblueyes

x8x_bigmike
Member

since 2003-07-08

Posts 130
California, USA

2 posted 2003-08-01 12:10 PM

Thanks for your support

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

3 posted 2003-08-01 01:06 AM

x8x_bigmike - like your write, I could feel all of your words...

BC

x8x_bigmike
Member

since 2003-07-08

Posts 130
California, USA

4 posted 2003-08-01 01:17 AM

thank you bill..

Mike

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Lady Moiraine
Junior Member

since 2003-07-29

Posts 24
Florida

5 posted 2003-08-01 02:02 AM

quote:
Sweltering in the LA Sun.

I live in Florida, I feel the sweltering. I also enjoyed reading your poem.

MARK V SHELDON
Member Elite

since 2001-06-21

Posts 3015
In a corporeal internship...

6 posted 2003-08-01 02:40 AM

I can't quite put my finger on your style, but I like it -- it's multi-faceted...

-MVS

You CAN make a difference:
http://educate-yourself.org/

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

7 posted 2003-08-01 03:11 AM

quote:
The hole of the hurricane
between
muggy regret,
and hot hate.

love the style here, a new one I may try sooner or later

leaves being crushed by wheels of cars passing by...what a thought

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

8 posted 2003-08-01 06:15 AM

Very good, Mike. My only suggestion would be to use spell check on a few of the words...other than that, the imagery is vivid, and yes, I remember LA...

Thanks!

x8x_bigmike
Member

since 2003-07-08

Posts 130
California, USA

9 posted 2003-08-01 07:07 AM

the leaves being crushed by the wheels is a William Carlos Williams Reference, from the poem the housewife...if you have get a chance you have to read it..thanks for all the comments, the one thing I need to work on is not being cliche, and just general flow...thanks again for your comments, I am going to edit this poem and repost it..

Mike

Patricia
Member Elite

since 2003-04-06

Posts 2160
Missouri

10 posted 2003-08-01 08:13 AM

Mike...wonderful images of feelings I know. Goodness, you make me think.

A great write!

Patricia

eminor_angel
Member

since 2003-05-22

Posts 323
Canada

11 posted 2003-08-01 12:41 PM

interesting images, but they seem a bit scattered, and not adding up to a congruent whole.

x8x_bigmike
Member

since 2003-07-08

Posts 130
California, USA

12 posted 2003-08-01 11:50 PM

which parts...it helps so much to be specific...its not a complete work, its just an idea I was thinking about, so anything you have to say is important.

Mike

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