Rodents - Battles worth the fight!

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

NickTofteland
Member

since 2003-06-13

Posts 74
MN, USA

0 posted 2003-06-15 07:57 PM

Was me and T-bone and The Kid
in the bunkhouse, sittin' 'round
After all the work they did
the other hands hit town

T-bone, he's the old Top Hand
As a flier he is gifted
I'm handy with a fryin' pan
or if somethin' heavy's gettin lifted

The Kid come down from way up north
intent to learn a trade
Said 'Pay me what you think I'm worth'
and so the deal was made

Now, T-bone, he's a rough ol' cob
He put him through his paces
He'd give The Kid some horse-**** job
and The Kid would come up aces

I said 'They grow 'em smart up there
in Canada I guess'
T-bone leaned back in his chair
'Yore easy to impress'

'Bout that time the bunkhouse phone
starts ringin' off the hook
T-bone answers, then he groans
'I'll come an' take a look'

The bosses' wife was on the line
an' she was in a panic
It seems a moose, or porkypine
was crashin' 'round the attic

So T-bone gets his .44
I bring a flashlight too
The Kid goes with us out the door
to see what we will do

When we arrived on the big front porch
we musta looked a sight
with guns an' ropes an high-beam torch
we was ready for a fight

She led us to the attic door
the ladder to the ceiling
The noises coming through the floor
give me a creepy feeling

T-bone climbed the ladder then
with light and Smith & Wesson
'You best say yer prayers, my friend
cuz yer gonna get a lesson'

The hatch was only big enough
for one shoulder and his head
This wasn't gonna be so tough
That critter's good as dead

Now T-bone gives a little gasp
an' we all kinda froze
My flashlight tumbles from his grasp
and smashes The Kids' nose

Down comes T-bone, falling back
He musta lost his grip
Now we see he's bein' attacked
by the chipmunk on his lip!

At the bottom of the ladder
I was there to break his fall
then the booming pistol shattered
the old fuse-box down the hall

The flashlight cast a muted yellow
light about the place
As T-bone roared and raged and bellowed
'There's a rodent on my face!'

Now I'm just layin' spraddled
The Kids' nose is busted shore
Then the critter, he skedaddled
left T-bone bleedin' on the floor

The bosses' wife sez 'There he goes
he's by the water heater!'
The Kid was gushin' from the nose
(He musta been a bleeder)

T-bones' lip was all tore up
but he just let it bleed
'I gotchu now, you son of a pup'
As he slowly took a bead

Now, a chipmunk's smaller than a man
There aint that much to hit
Water heaters, on the other hand
well... they aint built for s#!t

That carpet soaked up water good
It musta been bran' new
The critter ran the only place it could
right to the livin' room

We could see by the light of the fireplace
cause we got down in a crouch
We could see his little chipmunk face
right underneath the couch

The Kid sez then, to our surprize
(He's clever... for a foreigener)
'We only have to guard two sides
if we push it in the corner!'

We got it done, just like he said
in the corner of the room
I held a box over one end
T-bone herded with a broom

You won't believe what then took place
You'll think I am a liar
Ol' Chip, made a dash for the fireplace!
an' caught his tail on fire!

It didn't take long for him to see
the error of his ways
He makes a dash for the Christmas tree
and set it all ablaze

We all knew what we had to do
even if we did get seared
It burned my hair an' eyebrows too
an' my mustache an' my beard

We threw a rope around the tree
and dragged it safe outside
The chipmunk got it worse than me
He was crispy country-fried

T-bone pulled the curtains down
cuz they was still asmokin'
The three of us, we sat around
just acoughin' and achokin'

The coffee table had been torched
The sofa was a mess
We pulled it all out on the porch
and sat down to assess

The living room an' hallway too
were a soggy, smokin' ruin
Steada restin' a day or two
I knew what we'd be doin'

The missuz comes out, eyes all red
The Kid an' me was nervous
But T-bone doffs his hat an' sez
'Ma'am, happy to be of service'

Next mornin', here is what we did
with the dear, departed soul
The three of us, we stood around
a small chipmunk-shaped hole

Psalms 20:7 "Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God."

NickTofteland
Member

since 2003-06-13

Posts 74
MN, USA

1 posted 2003-06-15 08:56 PM

This piece it not of the form that I normally write, but was reading some old things that I have cluttering the memory of my hard-drive and thought that some of you would get a chuckle... Enjoy