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Open Poetry #27
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Bubble girl
| Open Poetry #27 |
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Bubble girl |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981
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O o O o O O o oO o o o o O O O Oo Oo o o o o o o o o O o o O o O o O O O o O o O o O o O o O o O oo I live inside an empty world, my destiny has been unfurled, I've spoke the solitary pledge, heartbreak's pushed me off the edge I'm the girl without location, I wallow in my isolation And I'd live life all on my own, I'm not like every other clone So I can't catch your "love" disease, no warmth can melt me from my freeze Call me a freak, I'm on display, I've ended up there anyway So what? I capitalize my i's, and I'm not tricked by foolish lies, You're an oyster, I'm the pearl, the one and only: bubble girl O o O o O O o oO o o o o O O O Oo Oo o o o o o o o o O o o O o O o O O O o O o O o O o O o O o O oo insanity is not a crime [This message has been edited by Wind (07-29-2003 12:44 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Liz - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
The presentation is wonderful! Wind - the talent you possess... is to be admired. And I do. I like seeing you getting "out of the box" and dancing on top! Sunshine |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Well done Wind !! Awesome form. Chris  |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Liz yer a genius. first off your critique encouragment is a work of art and second this poem is great from start to finish. |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Wind~ This is delicate emotion ... softly rendered~ Lovely~ Have you met the 'other' little bubble girl ?  /pip/Forum80/HTML/003505.html *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Wind? This is just wonderful... You took a style of word-sculpt and then rhymed it--and the result is simple and wistful and real to the ear. I love this--like a sing-song chant of a schoolgirl with a punch. |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
I also stand up applauding your critique message. Writing from the head is nothing to be ashamed of, Elizabeth. In fact, hearing this really gives me a lot more respect for you. This poem is really neat - especially all the "bubbles" you put at the start and the end. A bubble is a neat idea to describe yourself. A pocket of air, with a thin, delicate outside, but otherwise essentially the same on the inside. Neato---loved the formatting, too. You could have gotten around rhyming with "world" and that second sorta-cliche line. Otherwise the writing is really clever and light-toned and I can appreciate that. I'm going to keep a closer eye on your writing. You're quite the young poet, Liz. Parasite Faith is a fine invention |
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icebox Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383in the shadows |
This is crafted with great skill. You have much talent. |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Bubble girl, your poem was bubbalicious and your artwork was very clever!   EA |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Well done bubble-girl! well done indeed! Ed |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
you're how old? you amaze me...damn |
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El_Campeador Senior Member
since 2003-01-29
Posts 761Ohio, USA |
Excellent job, Liz. Another great poem! “We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best that we can find in our travels is an honest friend.” –Robert Louis Stevenson |
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gemjop Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587Pencilveinia, USA |
Bubble Girl...please bubble me up, so I can be free from that disease you name love..i've fallen out with it. Will 10 dollars cover it? I'm skint, i have nay more than that. and, actually, they'll be pounds, not dollars. pleeeeeeeeease. not that i truly believe you don't love, or care, or have a heart..cos I know you love meeeeeeee! But damn, windy, your writes only get better. making me, shiver shiver. LIBRARY!!!  he's blowing bubbles!! Instant karma's gonna get you. |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
I am so mad! I took 10 minutes to write a reply, and my computer turned off. sorry everyone  sunshine- thank you very much, not only for your interest in my work, but the great job you do around here. Chris- you are such a sweetheart, thanks lady Raph- heh. no one ever said they wrote from the head, and that's were everything comes from...good and bad. lol... Marge- that is so adorable lol Ser- singsongy eh? like Neener neener neener it is great being a brat LP- thank you, first of all, for supporting my critique message, and secondly, for offering advice on my work. I didn't like that line much myself but i stubbornly had to start off with the other line, and even rhymezone didn't help me much. oh well icebox- thanks. thanks a lot EA- hugs to ya  Wranx? heh, thank you too Dixie- 14? i think? are ya trying to get me to mess this up? EC- appreciated, thanks Gumdrop- that bubble thing is scary. Ten pounds? for you, it is free. yes, i love you. heh. this poem was inspired. as are most things I write insanity is not a crime [This message has been edited by Wind (07-29-2003 12:55 PM).] |
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gemjop Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587Pencilveinia, USA |
 A yellow submarine for you instead then? although this is just as scary i think. he heeeeeeee |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
did you draw that yourself? ehh...you are scaring me away from eveything good and yellow. Whatever. you are all yellow  look, i used the smille again. where are you getting these freaky things from?insanity is not a crime [This message has been edited by Wind (07-29-2003 06:40 PM).] |
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skyshine
since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058Beneath the northern stars |
Nicely done, Wind, and well expressed....I enjoyed this a lot.  ~Elizabeth Dreams last for so long, even after you're gone... |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
thanks Elizabeth.. insanity is not a crime |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Hey, litlle Liz,  (there is a yellow streak in the drool)  Hey, girl, i love this poem and the bubbles really are bubbleicious. (is that a word) You did good on this word challenge thingy, little friend. Hugs Ethel (Well, here I go to post that "bad' poem I wrote on my "bad" emotion)  [This message has been edited by garysgirl (07-29-2003 09:00 PM).] |
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Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow |
Wind - Honestly, I dug this a lot. Not only is the poem awesome, but the little bubbles around it were fun..The title is what caught me at first. Great write  |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
GG- glad it brought you joy...although this wasn't an out of the box..the style and the mood are both mine..did it seem happy? because if it did, I will change it, it wasn't intended to. Thanks for reading Ethel Mae, now go post your unhappy poem Meg- glad you 'dug' it hehe. imagine what it would be like to live in a bubble...insanity is not a crime |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Liz, I loved the entire thing excellent execution and this: no warmth can melt me from my freeze biting, *smile* xxoo |
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Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
 Love your critique msg...and I love your poem...I don't think I could burst your bubble by saying I don't like this..cos I do like it now how corny was that!? lolIf at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried. |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
this is such a great poem......the bubbles were so neato....ya know i can't really say nufin else, cause everyone else already said it!!!lol riley *the bloody tide comes in on the shore, time after time* |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
all 3 of ya, thanks.. Suey-lol..as much credit as you are gettin, this wasn't for your challenge  heh..i am cold  Ceinwyn- I like corn Ri- roasted bunny insanity is not a crime |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
OHMYGOSH!!! I love this! And..I'm keeping it! ~Hugs, Nancy~ ~The breeze that kissed you on the face, |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
so thats why they call you a brat liz? ~*bunny*~ *the bloody tide comes in on the shore, time after time* |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
for being cold? heh, i am just pick on you..there is a cycle...not realy sure who is at the top..but anyways thanks to all of ya insanity is not a crime |
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