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Open Poetry #27
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Human Tides
| Open Poetry #27 |
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Human Tides |
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daniel_martin Junior Member
since 2003-06-15
Posts 30london |
well considering that the critique forum doesn't seem to be very active, i'll submit this piece here. This is what i consider my masterpiece. haha, my ability or lack of can be viewed in thi. It tends to attract ambivalence, but the controversy is healthy. It reflects upon the choas of city life, and the determining effects it places unto the individual's sense and understanding of freedom. lots of double meaning, very pretentious. bon appetit Oh the marvels of humanity, as we take time to step backwards and watch men and woman stroll down streets once thought paved in gold. Each with a similar expression, whilst briskly walking through the tide of brothers as each bares witness, (yet without conscious appreciation) the success of their race. The shimmering of glass panes, like diamond jewels for the eyes of a monolith, dictate (like the moon to the oceans) the stream of those below. So proud are we of our civilised nature! Of our atomic bombs and nuclear submarines. So bright a future we hold, for our children and ourselves. And as you stare into that stream from a distance, Look upon the chivalry each person places Unto the fallen pensioner, whose glasses Shattered on the pavement floor, crying in despair As a youth runs with her Gucci bag. |
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| © Copyright 2003 daniel_martin - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kahlil Senior Member
since 2003-04-12
Posts 1881 |
Oh the marvels of humanity, as we take time to step backwards and watch men and woman stroll down streets once thought paved in gold. I have thought about this, Daniel, on my infrequent trips to the city. I love the sights and smells and sounds, and sense the microcosm. But there is something underlying there....when one views the stony faces, on their way, saying and accepting this is just the way it is. I learn from that environment and take my lessons home to my quiet pasture of llamas and goats.....Anyway, your write brought that city feeling back to me again, thanks. |
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Kahlil Senior Member
since 2003-04-12
Posts 1881 |
reading again... I really like how you worded this: The shimmering of glass panes, like diamond jewels for the eyes of a monolith, dictate (like the moon to the oceans) the stream of those below. |
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Kahlil Senior Member
since 2003-04-12
Posts 1881 |
and this is deliciously worded and a surprise: And as you stare into that stream from a distance, Look upon the chivalry each person places Unto the fallen pensioner, whose glasses Shattered on the pavement floor, crying in despair As a youth runs with her Gucci bag. So much for my "critique"! |
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daniel_martin Junior Member
since 2003-06-15
Posts 30london |
no, i'm pleased that this didn't fade away without a comment.  but what i'm most pleased with is finding someone who shares the observation. "once though paved in gold" is a link to London, and I'm wondering whether it was london that inspired this in you? vrey pleased to find someone who not can only see the image, but who has experienced and reflected on it in the past. daniel |
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Kahlil Senior Member
since 2003-04-12
Posts 1881 |
Daniel, I have never seen London (that I'm aware of), it would be very nice, though. I was thinking of Seattle. You can identify with this feeling since you wrote the words....from here I take a 30 minute ferry boat ride to the city. So I can see it looming up before me, and the closer I get, so do the sounds, and then there's that delicious smell of water and people and old concrete and storefronts....my eyes feast in gucci people, street people, "regular" people, young people. Most of them not realizing we are all the same!!!!! It is so delicious to observe it all at once, don't you agree? |
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Kahlil Senior Member
since 2003-04-12
Posts 1881 |
I forgot to say, "Human Tides" is what drew me in to read this, and it's a PERFECT title! |
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daniel_martin Junior Member
since 2003-06-15
Posts 30london |
it's amusing to watch people mindlessly absorbed in their thoughts. Walking, trying to ignore those around them, coveting, lusting, giving way together, like a river, each ripple appearing to be individual, yet part of a bigger, a more powerful force. A city is a place that brings fear and awe an all those that care to look objectively for a moment. People adapt to this by looking at things ffrom a different perspective (the intention behind the ironic ending) i don't know, i like the poem, others say it's not a poem, i say [edited by Moderator], if you can see a rush hour, and view all the business men as being determined by corporate forces, as being a river, or whatever, then the poem is a amusing reminder... though one written in such a cyrptic way. 9too long winded a response on my own work... hope you know whaty i mean. )[This message has been edited by Sunshine (06-15-2003 06:26 PM).] |
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Kahlil Senior Member
since 2003-04-12
Posts 1881 |
I know exactly what you mean, and it was really fun to bump heads with you! ~K~ |
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Kahlil Senior Member
since 2003-04-12
Posts 1881 |
ok, this is what I thought about for awhile....if we could see rush hour as being a river...we have to admit to the inevitable tides and currents for one thing, but also the necessity of the existence....I know that sounds crazy, but if you think about it, it gives every one of those stony faced people a reason for being. When I watch the ocean I wish to memorize one wave to take home with me until the next time I can be there, but it's impossible because of change. I want to rock this world in some way with my existence, but I'm continually reminded I'm just like an ocean wave. So those people on the street have to look the way they do in order to seem important. And they are. Just not in the way they think they are. Argh, over-analization!!!!! |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I enjoyed this very much. I am a people-watcher too. |
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daniel_martin Junior Member
since 2003-06-15
Posts 30london |
well, the poem doesn't go into individual psychology. I see what you mean about every one on earth wishing to vent their strength, influence, or make a mark on humanity through their being. personally, i am content enough not to. though i would like to develop into a respected philosopher, it seems unlikely that i will ever be a Kant, Heidegger or Hume. so, that leaves me, as an individual who has seen the ocean, with two options. I can either "ride across the waves", and believe myself to be, like those men in suits, superior, or i can "step backwards" (regress) and simply live knowing the parody of western life. it's been good daniel |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
you never know what you can do until you do it |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
Love it! ARCTIC WIND |
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